Its just so weird that one day someone can be here and the next there gone. I miss my hubby so much but I no I have to move on and live the life for me and the kids my hubby would want.

He's not here no more but these kids keep me going without them I think I'd hurt more. When my 10 month old smiles it makes me smile and then if I'm sad my son will say something crazy like all 2 yr. olds lol.

Its just hard because I miss hime so much I think of the things weve done together and how much more we wanted to do and I get lonely for him.

I just hope he new how much i love him and how much I miss him. I wish I could just talk to him one more time. If I new he was dying I waould of went and seen him more, I wouldnt of worked so much but I had to try to take care of things here and I hope he understands that.

Theres so much what ifs and I should of done this........ I try not to think that way but its hard.

I'm scared to even met anyone else when the time comes or if it does because I couldn't go through bearing another husband and that scares me. I'm to young he was to young and it just dosen't seem fair but if it can happen to him at 39 it can happen to everyone of us. I just wish I would of had more time with him.

29 and widowed is scary.

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Jun. 2, 2008 at 8:05 PM

My heart goes out to you Amy, It really does. I hope that you know that you are much stringer than you will ever know! It sucks that he was son young and that you are too. I am sure that he knows the reasons why you were not by his side like you would have liked. I remember you saying that he would get mad about being on the machines and not able to take care of the family. He knew what was happening to him and he wanted to know that you would be okay when he was gone.

Cherish those that you love now more than ever! Look for him in all the little things in life. You will find that certain smells will remind you of him. It's all good things! Grieve like you have to. When someone asks to help you, take them up on it! Even if it means leaving the kids with friends for a few hours.

Also, keep in touch with his older kids! They are a part of him too!

Now, I know that I am "telling" you to do stuff, but take it all with a grain of salt! Do what feels right for you and the kids. If you ever want to take a day trip and go to the beach: message me! I live 20 minutes away from a beach and we can go together. I REALLY mean it.

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Jun. 2, 2008 at 8:21 PM Iam sure he knew that you were doing what you had to do to keep the family going. He loved you so much and i feel that  he had great respect for you and loved you and the family very much. Please take care of your self my heart goes out  to you and your family. brenda

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Jun. 3, 2008 at 6:29 AM Oh Amy my heart and thought have been with you constantly not a soul knows what your going thru unless of course they've lost their spouse,  i can't even begin to imagine going thru what you are just cherish your kids hold them tight cause they look just like him and believe me i know he knows exactly how much you loved and still love him,  your hubby respected you as a wife/mother for being there as much as you were you handled his illness very well and stood strong thru out the whole time sweetie you did your very best and more and your man knew and seen this in you.  Please try not to be so hard on yourself i wish i had the perfect words to say to you but i don't i just have feelings and my whole heart goes out to you during this very hard time.  I'm here for you all you have to do is reach out and talk to me Love Ya Gail

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Jun. 3, 2008 at 9:29 AM Amy many hugs and much love. Over the time that we have chatted your love for your husband has been so clear. I am sure he knew that you loved him and would do anything for him. You are a wonderful woman for holding everything together and I am sure that is one of the reasons he loved you. Hang on to the babies and his family as much as you can.  Don't even worry about trying to move on right now just worry about healing for you and the kids. They say that a person can hear you all the way up until the end so dont worry he heard your thoughts and your cries and he knows that you loved him soooo much. If you need to chat I  am hear. Love you much and BiG HUGS.

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