My husband and i started out great! now we've been together for seven years and now that we bought our second home and have a year old son, hes changed.  He said watching me have the did something to him mentally.  (he means watching vaginal birth) also, he said my weight gain isn't helping either.  he comes home when he feels like it and told me he doesn't feel like coming home because he doesn't feel there is anything there.   he said he loves me but the "spark" is gone/  we are supposed to be working it out but i feel like he hates me.  I have worked two jobs for the last four years, not to mention grad school in between and now the baby.  I am always tired but he doesn't really help me with the baby at all.  He will do things but he doesn't help with feedings, baths, cleaning bottles, laundry nothing.  I hired a woman to help clean and he said he doesn't like it.  However, he doesn't help me.  i am so tired.  I finally quit my second job because i am too tired to keep up a full time and part time job while being a full time mom.  we've had sex once in one year.  the baby split me front to back really bad and even now I don't use the bathroom all that great.  I had a hard time with that and he acts as if he doesn't care.  i don't know wht to do .  i went back to school to get my third masters so that i could make enough to pay the mortgage with or without him.  I am finally at a six figure salary and pay the bills without him but i don't want my son to grow up without his dad.  I grew up with two parents and so did he.  i dont know what to do.

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Jun. 2, 2008 at 8:50 PM

You cann't make him be a good daddy and if you are not happy then your baby can sense that and is not happy either. You should look into counseling for you and your husband  you both have to decide if your marriage is worth saving

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Jun. 2, 2008 at 9:03 PM Some men cannot handle watching a woman give birth and then think of her sexually again without trouble. It sounds like you need to go to couples therapy, by yourself if he won't go. Maybe he is afraid of you getting pregnant again or maybe he feels bad that "he caused" your problems from giving birth and he doesn't know how to tell you. The comment about your weight is uncalled for. It takes a good year after giving birth to "get" your shape back and we all know it takes longer than that usually. It makes me mad for you that he is using your weight as a deflector. If you wouldn't have had your precious little one and had gotten overweight by just eating, would he have felt differently? If so, cut him loose and find a real man because you and your son need unconditional love, not a "I need everything to be movie perfect" love. Sorry for the rant but I want to kick your hubby's butt myself! Good luck and keep us posted. I hope for your family's sake your hubby pulls himself together and becomes the man you originally married.

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