Mary's Journal

Just a little place for my thoughts...

How does a fatty (a.k.a. a very pregnant woman) catch a naked three year old...?

Let me detail this a bit better before you answer. Not only was he naked (had been swimming and was being changed), slippery (sunscreen), he was not confined to our home. He ran to the front yard, then the driveway, then the sidewalk, then the cul-de-sac.

We are all mothers here, most of us have been "very pregnant" like I am. Therefore we all know there are a few limitations:

1. We cannot run. We can at times "speed walk" (a.k.a. waddle) but running is just out of the question.

2. We are off balance, thus we tip over easily.

3. A three year old is MUCH faster and much more shifty then we are.

Many of us live in neighborhoods therefore we also understand the following:

1. There are cars that may pass and see the naked child.

2. There are neighbors peeking out the windows.

3. Naked three year olds don't give a damn about either.

Now can you imagine? He wanted to go with Travis to the store. He had been told no. After Travis finally left the house and drove away... I WAS ALONE to battle the wits and speed of a NAKED three year old child. I underestimated the shiftiness of my child at first. He ran out of his bedroom where I was sitting on the floor attempting to dress him. (NOTE: I was sitting and it takes pregnant women a moment, or two... sometimes three to actually get up off the floor).

By the time I got to the living room I saw the front door hanging open and caught the glimpse of a naked butt running down the walkway. I attempted to run after him, but as we already discussed... fatty's don't run.

So I waddled. Ladies let me tell you... I have a long driveway but this child made it down to the sidewalk in record time just as my neighbor pulled in from work. WELCOME HOME from a long Monday right? 

I must have gotten within reach of my son a half dozen times only to grab at the air. I was not kidding when I say he is really freaking shifty. He ran around me, under me, dodging every angle that I attempted to grab. 

PLUS, when your kid is naked there is a lot less to actually GRAB you know? You only have two limbs (the arms) unless we are attempting to trip him or something (maybe inside, but not in front of the neighbors). 

Let me also add... he was laughing at me the entire time. My son, that is giggled away at the sight of ME trying to catch him and the fact (I am sure) that he was able to get around me. 

I finally caught him (as he melted into hysterical giggles) slightly oblivious to anything else going on around me. I guess I had been yelling at him in the process of catching him... because I picked him up... look around and I saw:

- My next door neighbors standing outside their front door watching me

- A car stopped in the middle of the cul-de-sac staring

- A kid on a bike about three houses down laughing

- And my dog sitting inside the screen door to my house OBVIOUSLY laughing at me in his dog way.

So, I guess I better go and clean up the house for when DFACS shows up on my doorstep tomorrow.  

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Comments:

juneb...
Jun. 2, 2008 at 9:45 PM oh wow you poor thing! what a day get some rest!

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gusti...
Jun. 2, 2008 at 9:49 PM i doubt if any one will be at your house in the am just get some rest

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Les1230
Jun. 2, 2008 at 10:04 PM Ohhhh have I been there.  Not to long ago either.  I'd tell you it gets better, but it doesn't.  Naked 4 year olds are much shiftier and much faster than naked 3 year olds.  Add a screaming baby to the mix and you're even slower.  Little boys... what else can I say? =)

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Sempe...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 10:46 AM oh my goodness!  That must have been horrible!  It sounds like one of those stories your going to look back on and laugh about! 

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Misty826
Jun. 9, 2008 at 5:50 PM I'm sorry I have to be honest but I probably would have been one of those neighbors watching and laughing!!! I was laughing while reading this lol!! You will look back and laugh!

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