oh my work had been hell lately......

i got a temp supvr and its linda? ehhhhh i was thinking she was evil but i made her smile twice..... which is the only time i have seen that expression from her in the 2 yrs i have been at twc? i sent her a funny email about the starz rep who is a retard and wont give me my dvd? she told me.... and i quote " look in the closet...." haha yeah let me step away from my desk to search a closet? i want my movie!

i have decided that if a mini bid comes i will try to get a different shift. i am tired of picking kimber up so late in a grumpy mood, getting her home , feeding her and barely getting her in her crib fast enough for sleep. i feel like i am missing her life. her 1st summer? so if 5-1:30 comes i am grabbing it! that way i would have alllllllllllllllllllllll summer day to do things with her. my baby girl.

i also decided i need to not swear? this is hard. i am a fan of such things as the "f" word and such but it is a must as kimber's lil ears hear and will start to repeat?

yet another decision.... next time i go to the dr for a "cancer check" i think i will ask for s/thing for depression........ i am not sleeping good at night. mostly thinking about what i wanted and what i don't have and how things got this way? why people treat me like they do? all that. if not that i just listen for kimber. thinking s thing bad is happening. like she is too quiet i check on her and make sure she is breathing.......cause she is allllllll i have and i would just die if anything happened to her. yeah i am nuts but..... who wouldn't be?

when i do sleep i have messed up dreams. stuff of me kimber and eric as a family.....doing family things. in the park... stuff like that. last night i had one about taking kimber to see abby and her family? i have no idea why? these things both will never happen? i think i just miss being close to people i loved and i wish they were still here and that they knew kimber and loved her? not only eric and abby.... but alot of old friends. getting my new phone i looked at who calls me.......not many and if i should even bother putting them in my new phone.....i don't see why? they are just another name on a list of people i used to feel like i couldn't and wouldn't live without? just a memory now. like with altell i have a top 10..... i really only call home....erica.....erin and chris? alot of empty spaces in "my circle" and my heart.

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