I'm tired:

Tired of being stuck in one place.....my friends are married, I am not..they have more children...I do not....they are starting to buy their homes.....I'm still stuck living at home....when is it my turn? They have husbands....all I have is a baby daddy...to be frank.....I'm tired of him not working..he is so stubborn...he just quit his job without really thinking of anyone but himself....dammit..we have a child to take care of.....now it is all on me.......and I'm tired...there has to be something better....do I get another man? What would that do? What would it prove? Is it worth it? I'm just frustrated because I am completely confused and don't know which way to turn...there is no one I can talk to without being judged......I drink too damn much...and try to  justify it.....and I'm just tired.....it's at the point where I don't want to be around him...is it his fault that he turned out the way that he did? or his mom's? or his dad's? I really feel as if the way he was raised just really plays a huge part in how he is now......stubborn, selfish,  I JUST Don't know.........I try to be the strong woman and stay by his side but................there's only so much holding on I can do.........i hate where i live....hypes sitting on the stoops, getting high, cursing all the time. and my daughter has to hear and see this? I want to move...rent is so fucking high.........I pray I get this new job, please God....do u hear me? I need this....I just want better for us...that's all i want...do u hear me? I know u do........i'm just trying to give my problems to u....but i just need to let this out...been holding it in for too long.....and i just need a good cry...maybe it will make me feel better....i dunno.....maybe i am stupid........i want to take the class....don't have the money....why do i keep failing it.....i want to take my rhia and get it out the way...........why am i so bad with money....i wanna do so many things...don't have the money....i went to college for this?! 13.64 an hour? LOL.......barely making ends meet......struggling to eat.....LOL.....what the fuck? is there any hope? is there any thing better out there for me...for my daughter...for him.....god, can u hear me> hear my pain ,feel my sadness.......where did I make the bad choices? where did it start? God, can u hear me? 

 

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nicky...
Jun. 2, 2008 at 11:40 PM gods listening but if you need to talk to someone that can talk back you can talk to me i hate to be judged to so i won't judge you we all have problems and sometimes need help let me know just don't give up

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UTZY
Jun. 2, 2008 at 11:50 PM hi.  i know you're in alot of emotional pain, right now.  i can guarantee that God hears your heart.  the way your man treats you is not your fault.  he is responsible for how he treats you--regardless of his past.  i don't know the whole story.  i do know that you have God's strength within you.  his love is a whole lot bigger than any problem we can ever face.  Jesus took all that pain on the cross--he felt every bit of what you're feeling right now.  i'm a spiritual person.  i will not condemn nor judge you.  it's normal to feel the way you're feeling, with all that you're dealing with.  please do what you can to improve your situation.  there are some things we can all do to make our lives better.  change is often the result of realizing that it's more painful to stay in the situation we're in---than to accept the challenge that lies before us.  those things that you cannot change are the hardest to deal with.  you can only change the way you choose to think about them.  i have a group, called s.o.n.u.t.s.  (sisterhood of neurotic, under-medicated, tense & stressed).   there are many tips for healthy ways of dealing with stress.  please consider stopping by the group.   please hang in there.  i'll be thinking of you and praying for you.   take care!  ~mel~   Group Owner of S.O.N.U.T.S (sisterhood of neurotic, under-medicated, tense and stressed)http://www.cafemom.com/group/44814                     

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UTZY
Jun. 28, 2008 at 3:56 PM i had to come back and let you know that i'm thinking of you and praying for you.  please take care!

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