Insight into this crazy mind!

Random musings of my life, and beliefs!

Sitting here at 1 am I am hit very hard by the fact that I want another baby. Alex does too. I am on my period now, which means that our visit failed, but I did not have high expectations lol.

He is gone though, in Virginia. The next time I see him is 4th of july, and I wont be ovulating then. Quite the opposite, I will be on my period (most likely). The next time I see him after that is in August, when he graduates. The good news is, I will be ovulation that week (or I believe so) and hopefully it happens. Then again, once you decide to try it becomes harder, so we will see. We wont be  trying too hard, and we will just enjoy ourselves. Whatever happens, happens.

Thinking about having another baby brings up all kinds of concerns. The main one being circumcision. He is really for it, and I am really against it. So, if we have a boy that will be problematic since we can not come to any conclusion. I have no idea how to convince him that it is the best choice to NOT do it, and he is so damn stubborn.

Next thing on my mind is Becka. How will she react? Will she be ok? She loves having all our attention, so I am worried that she wont react good for another sibling. I am afraid things will be BAD with her.

I am also worried about deployment. Will he be here for the birth? Will he be here for the next babies life? Will I be able to take care of a toddler and a baby alone? Is this even a good idea? Planning life around the army is hard, and I don't want to wait 6 years to have another child. That is way to far apart in my book.

I want this birth to be different. I want it at home, with a midwife, or in a  birth center. I do not want an OB nor a hospital. I want to be able to be free to do what I want and need. I refuse to let anyone destroy my birth experience like they did with Becka. I am so excited at the idea that I will get to prepare for another birth, no matter how long it takes to get pregnant lol. I just want to do it the right way, I want to have the birth I deserve!

I want Becka to have a sibling, one that she can spend time with and play with,and I want another addition to our family. But I can't help but wonder if it is the right time?!

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Comments:

cat0325
Jun. 3, 2008 at 8:12 AM

Oh, Shanna!  I know the wanting to have a baby blues all too well.  I think Becka will be just fine with having a sibling.  She's such a loving little girl, and even though she's used to all the attention and loves it; by the time you have a new baby she'll be a little bit older and better able to understand that the new baby is going to take a lot of time.

As for the Circumcision debate, worry about that one when and IF it's appropriate.  You may have another daughter next so it may be worry over nothing at this point.  If you get pregnant with a boy, you'll have 4 months to negotiate with Alex after the BIG ultrasound which reveals what flavor you'll be having.  My advice is for BOTH of you to try to go into discussions with a slightly open mind so you can BOTH actually hear what the other side has to say and not react automatically and without thinking.  I'm not saying to abandon your beliefs, but to try to listen to what Alex's feelings are ...  You're both invested in doing what is "right and best" for your child so you BOTH will have to be ok with the decision (whichever one you jointly come to) or ultimately it could cause bitterness in your marriage.

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celti...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 11:39 PM

The circumcision thing is important only because we really want a boy. We know we might not get one, but we want one, and he has told me time and time again that this is what we are doing: no matter what!

I do look at it from his point of view, but his only arguement is because he is circed. It is just hard for me to understand that.

The problem is that we are both just too stubborn, that neither of can see a compromise to this so it makes it tough. I can't physically and emotionally go through the circumcision, and he couldn't imagine not doing it.

Does that make sense?

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