I have so much to type, so many thoughts to get out.. I don't know what to do with myself!!!!

 Well I did something and I now regret it with every fiber of my being! I work in a health-care facility, in the records department to be exact. I broke the cardinal rule of patient confidentiality and looked up my boyfriend's records. I know I shouldn't have but sometimes I don't listen to myself. Well I saw a few emergency room visits for abdominal pain.. blah blah.. the norm. Well as I scrolled through the pages I came across a sentences that completely blew my mind.

 "This is an actively gay 21 year old male."

 WTF? My b/f is now 32 years old, so this was quite a while ago. But WTF??? GAY? No way in hell! He was brought into the ER b/c he had a foreign body in his rectum. An eraser from a pencil. He was "experimenting" with a pencil when the eraser got stuck and he couldn't get it out. WTFFFFF?????

I know that sometimes physicians jump to conclusions or don't even pay attention to the entire situation. I mean god I am praying this is a mistake. I have seen men called women, women called men, black called white, left called right, and so on in reports done by physicians. Could this just be a mistake or a Dr's assumption based on the situation??? I mean I can understand sexually experimentation. I have done a few things I would never tell anyone. But this damn thing said "actively gay" I don't know what to do!!!

 I have been with this man for almost 3 years and we have a 1 year old child together. I love him with all of my heart but what if this is true. If it is true, is he still gay? Does he really want me or is it just a cover up? WTF? I don't know what to think!

As much as I hate to admit it this would explain alot. We RARELY have sex! And I mean RARE! When we first met we had sex all the time. But after the first few months we have now gone over an entire year without so much as an open mouthed kiss. We have had sex since my son was born but probably only about 5 times, and out of the 5 I would say 3 of them didn't quite "work out", if you know what I mean. I thought it was his age, ED, or maybe because he is a little out of shape. But could it be that he really is attracted to men?? OMG!

I can't even think about this anymore. I am beside myself!!! Someone please tell me what the hell to do! If I ask him about it he will know I looked at his records. I will loose my job, him, and who knows what else?!?! But I can't keep this secret to myself. I have to know the truth.

 Please help me.... I don't know what I am going to do... My world just came crashing down...

 

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Comments:

p2of9
Jun. 3, 2008 at 2:47 AM I don't know what to say.  This must be so hard for you.  I don't think I'd mention it right away, but I would definately watch for more evidence. 

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gusti...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 2:59 AM

i would secretly watch for more evidence and then maybe later asl him point blank are you gay? then give your reason as your sex life to him as the reason of wanting to know the truth

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Twinm...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 3:25 AM Could you get him to fill out a request for his medical records, under the guise of needing it for your child's complete medical history?  You could fill one out, too, so that he doesn't suspect that you know what is in his.  Just say you read online that it is good to have that sort of thing on file in case of emergency.  Once you have the records, let it go for a little while, then one day leaf through them and "find" the information.  Act shocked and tell him what someone wrote about him in the ER all those years ago.  Just see what his reaction is.  Good luck.

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MSuga...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 7:22 AM Maybe he is bi sexual and afraid to tell you that part of himself

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