I feel like I am a bad mother!! I sometimes forget that my kids need me to be there for them and that not everything has to be me controling them! My daughter Madeline will be 4 at the end of august. Recently she has become very independent and wants to do everything herself and her way. This morning I woke her up for school and I had her clothes picked out as I usually do. I changed her underwear and put her capris and socks on-ok so far so good. Then came her t-shirt and she saw it and flipped out. She said she couldn't wear it. I got upset and told her that she has to wear it and she said no it is cold. I said no maddy it is going to be warm today like summer. So we go back and forth for a minute and because I feel I may lose i I walk away and go see the baby who has been screaming and pulling my leg. Then after putting him in the pile of toys, I go back to see if she will put the shirt on and no good again she tells me that it is cold. I ask her to come and pick out what shirt she wants and she picks a fleece sweatshirt and we fight about that. So then I leave now mad because she will be late and I say I can't believe you won't just put on the damn t-shirt(then I realize what I said and I sit down and cry). She comes to where I am in the room and we hug and she says I want my daddy. Then I say as I am crying I am so sorry I got upset I love you. Then it hits me- I say to her is it cold at school? She says yes. I say they have cold air at school(figuring that they have turned on the ac and it is probably chilly). She said yes and this pointing to the t-shirt sleeves has nothing here as she shows me her arm. So I told her why doesn't she wear the t-shirt and she can take the shirt she picked out to wear with her and if school is cold she can put it on. I told her that I did not know school was cold and that is all she had to say. Then she said can I take my sweater please and I said yes. We said we loved each other and kissed and that we are friends. I just feel so horrible.I needed to step back and just listen to her instead of being so controling. With her being so independent I am very used to fighting with her and I was like oh sh** not again. Being a mom is the hardest job! I just hope I can be better next time.

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Comments:

msp12r
Jun. 3, 2008 at 9:09 AM I don't think you are a bad mom... a bad mom wouldn't have cared so much about how her daughter was feeling.  You are a great mom for stepping back and making this realization.  Parenting IS a very difficult job... we aren't mind readers, but accepting the fact that there may be a problem is great because now you can take the steps to fix it.  Keep up the good work, mom! 

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kfost...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 9:11 AM You are not a bad mother - you are human!!!  It is hard when your child tries to be so independent...it is easy to forget that they are only 4 or 5 or whatever age.  My little girl is 6 and you just described 100 mornings at my house (minus the baby part - I don't have one of those yet).  Maybe you can send a light weight jacket to school for her to wear if she gets cold?  Don't beat yourself up - it happens, no one is perfect.  Maybe you can pick her outfit out together the night before so she can tell you what she wants to wear and you aren't in the mad rush of morning trying to have that discussion?  Don't worry - you can still be elected Mother of the Month...:)

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LadyJag
Jun. 3, 2008 at 10:26 AM Wow! You know, we're just moms, and we're learning how to do this parenting thing the best we can. Cut yourself some slack, and give yourself a pat on the back for figuring it out, and being a good enough mom to resolve your conflict in a healthy and logical manner.

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ganda...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 10:12 PM Try not to feel bad.  You're a great mom.  It will all be okay, try not to worry too much.

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