Rantings of a Crazy Woman!

WARNING: Pregnancy Hormones at Work!

Yesterday was a horrible, HORRIBLE day.
And it got worse around 8:30 last night.
I was giving the twins a bath tonight and, as usual, I let them play in the tub while I came downstairs to clean up the kitchen. They are almost 4, and I've been letting them do that for awhile. Well, I kept hearing something drip and I noticed my ceiling was leaking. I ran up the stairs and saw the HUGE puddle in the bathroom floor. The kids had dumped half the tub out into the floor. OMG I was LIVID. I moved the towels I had laying in front of the tub, as well as the rug that was there, because they were all sopping wet, and mopped up the water. I told my son to stand up so I could wash his hair and stuff like that. He started screaming bloody murder, then peed in the tub. I literally saw red. They'd been testing me all day. I jerked him out of the tub and wrapped him in a towel and told him not to move. I turned to get my daughter out of the tub and bumped Sebastian, who was standing right next to the tub. He stumbled and slipped and fell, face first, into the tub, knocking his 2 front teeth out. There was so much blood from it. He was crying, my daughter was crying, and I was histaricle. I didn't know what to do. I paniked and called my dad. He came over, got my daughter and my sister drove me and Sebastian to the hospital. They basically just told me to take him to a pediatric denist and have xrays done and possibly a tooth pulled.
I understand that it's his baby teeth and they'll grow back, but he had a perfect little smile. He had beautiful straight teeth, which, given my teeth and his sperm donor's, it was a miracle. We both have not good teeth. Now, he has no teeth on top. Everyone says he's still cute, but I just look at him and those missing teeth and I hate myself for it. If I'd just not moved that rug, or if I'd just stayed up stairs.......so many ifs....and he'd still have his perfect little teeth.
He's fine now......hell, he's been fine since about 10 minutes after it happened. Me, on the other had...I don't think I'll ever forgive myself. I have done nothing but cry since 8:30 last night. He has an appointment with a pedicatric dentist tomorrow. I'm hoping that they'll have good news and maybe give him some falsies or something until his big boy teetht come in. I keep telling myself I should have sent him to his room or sent him to go stand by the door. I shouldn't have moved that stupid rug.......
I feel so guilty........I really do. I feel like...I dunno...I was tempted to send them to my dad's or have my mom drive up here to get them or something. I truly felt like I didn't deserve them. His perfect little smile....it's gone. Yes, I've looked forward to the no teeth smiles, but I didn't want it to happen like this. I'm sure it looks so bad right now 'cause his mouth is swollen and once we go to the dentist and they clean it up and all that, I'm sure it won't look near as bad. But I can't help it. I look at him and I fall apart. I feel like I let him down.........
He's been such a trooper....he's been comforting me. He'll see me cry and he'll come love on me. I love my kids so much.....so fucking much it hurts me. I wish it were my teeth instead of his. I wish I could just go back to yesterday and make him go stand in the hallway or something like that. Last night, when I went to bed, I kept wishing that I'd wake up and get a do-over.
I wish this guilt would go away...........or the tears....something.......because I know crying isn't going to do any good. It won't bring his teeth back. But, I can't help it.......it's my job to keep them safe and look what I did.
Right now, I truly feel like I don't deserve them....

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Jun. 3, 2008 at 12:03 PM

AW! Accidents happen mama! Dont be so hard on yourself! One time when my son was little we were playing and I had him by his shirt in the back.. Well he wiggled away from me and hit his head on the corner of the coffee table... Blood everywhere.. He had to get it STAPLED shut! I felt awful.....  He will be fine... You are a great mom.... Cheer up!

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Jun. 12, 2008 at 12:27 PM Things happen....My son's collar bone was fractured because I was being immature and decided to leave my house with a friend of mine so that I would not have to take Darylle's mom shoppin....That was the day we were in the car accident. If I would have just taken his mom where she needed to go it would have never happened. He's all heeled up now and never for a second did he hate me or even my friend that was drivin....Kids do not look at things like adults do.

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