I lost my husband on January  23, 2007, then my 17 year old Grandson less then three weeks later on February 11, 2007 and just recently my mom on February 7, 2008.  That is a lot of loss in a little over a year.  Before these losses I have never had to face losing people so close to me.  I have had other losses but, none for years and none who affected me so greatly and that were this profound.  I know that everyone knows that losing a child is the greatest loss but, being the mother of a daughter who lost her child is the second hardest.  As mothers, we feel we should be able to fix everything but, unfortunately this is one thing I cannot fix.  It is especially hard as this is a daughter I gave up for adoption when she was born, I was 17 and I found her when she was 25.  She is now 38.  She has three other children and is finding it hard, extremely so, to go on, even for their sake.  Both of us are struggling.  I barely had time to register losing my husband when I had to deal with losing my Grandson.  I felt as if I put my grief on hold for my husband in order to try to be there for my daughter.  My other four children who lost their father were still reeling when they lost their nephew.  Needless to say they all are trying to cope too.  Well, the only thing that I have come to realize is, until we see them again, we have the wonderful memories.  It is the one thing that I have expressed to my daughter.  I told her "Matthew would want you to continue to mother his siblings, not to feel guilty and to make as many memories as you can.  Think of the only thing that helps...The Memories.  Make as many memories as you can with the people in your life because that is what they will carry on with when we are gone or what we have when we lose people, as we now know."  The only other thing I can say is that when you lose people that you have unfinished business with, and the anger towards them starts to rear its ugly head, shift your thoughts to good and happy times with them and let go.  Forgive them so that you can smile when you think of them.  I'm damned sure that where they are, they are not holding on to anger or regret.  They have moved on physically and spiritually and we need to do the same in order to honor them.  I know this is a heavy entry but, if anyone out there has anything to add that would be great.  Peach and Love to all those that struggle with loss.

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Comments:

cassy...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 2:45 PM good words!

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Momma...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 2:47 PM I am so sorry for your losses.  I can see the strength and courage that you have gained for having survived such enormous heart ships.  You will touch others for living thru those times.  That can be a blessing ,  when we are able to help others, through understanding and compassion.  god bless you and your family.

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mom2a...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 2:56 PM I lost my mother about a month and a half before the birth of my son in 2006.  Your words are very helpful...thank you.  I would only add that if you still talk to those who have passed, and you hold them in your heart, they never really leave.  God bless you.

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about...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 2:58 PM I don't know what happened to your grandson that makes your daughter feel guilty, but you are right that she needs to let it go and move on with her life. Her other children need her even more now. My best girlfriend died almost 9 months ago and I found out things about her and her life that just shocked me, but I don't get mad at her because she is not here to defend herself and that is not the person I knew. I hope  your family finds peace and healing in the future.

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pajac...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 3:01 PM I know how you feel.  I lost my dad in May 2002 and lost my mom 3 years and 12 years later in May 05.  My dad had cancer so I had kinda come to grips with the fact of what was going to happen and was almost relieved when it happened because he wasn't suffering anymore.   I put my grief asside to take care of my mom in her time of need. My mom had a brain bleed and was literally here today and gone tomorrow.  That threw me for a loop.  But what gives me peace is knowing that my parents are together.  My mom lost her brother, mom, dad, nephew and sister (the year after my mom passed) and she's with them all now.  I know I was a good child to my parents and they know I loved them.  I saw them twice a week and after my dad passed, I saw my mom everyday because she was the caregiver for my son.  Prayer was the only thing that kept me from going over the edge.  At times like this you have to find somehting to cling to for sanity and prayer did it for me.

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ripch...
Jun. 5, 2008 at 2:06 PM Thanks so much for your comments gals.  It feels good to know that maybe my words will help someone else.  I will continue to keep those I lost in my heart and to make as many memories as I can with those I love so, someday, when I am gone, they have that much more to smile about when they remember me.  God Bless You All

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ripch...
Jun. 5, 2008 at 2:13 PM Just a note to hopefully make everyone smile.  I re=read my initial entry and at the end I mean to say Peace and Love not Peach and Love but, Peaches are good to.  I hope everyone gets Love and a Peach too, lol.

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keri
Jun. 26, 2008 at 12:42 PM Well written. And so true.

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Wow2boyz
Oct. 22, 2008 at 5:11 AM

Sorry about your losses- very well put

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