We are getting ready to make our big move. While I'm extremely excited about the fact that we are owners of our first, and very beautiful home..I'm so sad at the same time. I'm excited that my DH is done with residency (THANK GOD!!), it's been so hard. Physically, emotionally, spiritually..it completely drained us some days. Especially him. He is such a strong, completely unselfish man. He has worked so hard, and overcome so many obstacles to get where he is...not just for himself, but for all of us. I couldn't be anymore proud of him for what he has achieved, for how well he has done it, for how hard he works, and for how you will never hear him complain. Even on days where he has been on call for 24 hours, and hasn't slept in 36...he will stay awake to play with the kids, and spend time with us. He goes above and beyond what I ever expect, or what many others in his shoes would do. I'm excited that we have our first home. I'm excited that we won't have neighbors!! I'm excited that we will have a fenced in backyard, and have a very large home. I'm excited that there's a pond behind our house for us to walk around and play in, and a walking path for me and the kids to use. I'm excited about my DHs new hours. NO MORE NIGHT SHIFTS!!! NO MORE 24 HOUR CALLS!!! YAY!!! I'm excited about my kids being in a new school district because the one here is horrible. I'm excited that we will be closer to my in-laws. I'm excited about putting down our roots, and starting the rest of our lives.

With all those exciting things..there is so much sadness in me too. I'm so close to my baby brother. He has joined the Army and leaves July 23rd for 7 months...and then very well could be deployed. I'm terrified, sad, depressed, anxious, nervous, and just flat out don't want to let go of him. He's more like my own child. We talk daily, and I don't want to ever lose that. I'm so proud of him for making such a difficult decision and for not taking an easy path in life. I'm being completely selfish...but I can't help it. I try to be supportive, and happy for him- but it's hard to maintain a happy face for him when all I want to do is grab him and not let go. My father doesn't have the best health. Almost 12 years ago this month my father came very close to dying. It's such a long story..but he has a disease called Marfan's syndrome. He had an aortic aneurysm that ruptured his aorta from the aortic arch down to his groin. He is a miracle. His kidneys had completely stopped functioning, he had brain damage, and was in a coma for 6wks. He was on a vent for 3 MONTHS. He is now back at work. He has one other aneurysm, and only one functioning kidney (at 30%), and no longer has a voice..but he's back to himself. No one knows how he survived..no one can explain it..only God. I can't stand the thought of being away from him, and something happening again. My mother is my best friend. She's (besides my DH of course) the rock in my life. She's a huge source of strength for me. I don't know where I'd be without her. My sister is also my best friend, and the best Auntie any kids could ever have. To think of only seeing my family a few times a year..turns my stomach. Literally.

I hate not sounding grateful, and blessed..like I am. I hate sounding selfish and whiny..and sounding immature. But, I'm so torn by my feelings right now. It's so bittersweet. I need to get back to Mommy mode..and put my brave face on..and try to get past this. I just wish it didn't hurt so much. It's so many changes..so quick, and all at once. Thanks for listening!

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Jun. 3, 2008 at 4:09 PM ((hugs)) All changes are hard to go through, even happy ones. What a miracle your dad is! It sounds like you have such an amazing family, and I know you guys will be happy in your new home with DH's new job...it'll just take getting used to. Congrats! and Good Luck!

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