No one ever said this would be easy. I knew it wouldn't be. To be honest it never has been. I struggle with losing weight. I really do. Yes I have gone from 230 to 175 (now to 179) but not one bit of it was easy. I can get derailed, defeated, and lose all steam. I now workout twice a day, drink all my water, take my vitamins but the eating, argggg...It has NEVER been easy for me to say "no". I am re-starting. Officially, starting fresh. I am once again excited.

Somewhere along the way I did lose the fact I had lost the weight--and a lot of it. Once my number on the scale stopped moving instead of letting it drive me to push harder, push past that evil number I regressed. I started the negative talk again in my head. I began to feel as if I was a farce. People were so proud of me losing the weight and as an online fitness coach I began to put more pressure on myself. Thankfully I work for a company that supports people of all sizes as long as fitness is priority in your life. Which it always has been. In fact, to some I may seem obsessed. I think about my weight 24 hours a day. Seriously my dreams are about it too. (I wish I was kidding!)

I have taken a step back. I am reevaluating the reasons WHY I am overweight, WHAT my payoff is, WHY I make poor decisions and WHY I keep holding myself back. You see I am a very fortunate woman. I have a husband who adores me and thinks I am hot, two awesome kids, a bonus son who enriches my life, my girl dogs that worship me, a kickass job, a thriving business my husband runs, family that supports me, great friends, a beautiful home...I could go on and on. What is holding me back from living my BEST life?

I read Bob Greene's book "The Best Life Diet" and I feel once again I can and will lose again. I am starting in Phase 1 of Bob's book. I have hid my scale vowing not to look at it for 4 weeks. I am going to journal again for myself. I feel like my heart and soul is once again in the game. I do deserve to look and feel great. I deserve to make good choices and fuel my body like it so badly craves.

 

I am the best at giving advice. Ask me anything and I will have an answer--even if I have to go find it. I know how to talk the talk but it is time to once again walk the walk. So as I finish typing this it will be time to throw on the Nike's and do my second workout of the day. After that a wonderful, healthy dinner for the family. It is time for change. Time to look passed my "failures" over the past 6 months and the scale pretty much not moving. Time to look forward to taking my baby steps to lose the weight. It is not a race and I am not scared of winning or losing anymore. Just the end result. No matter how long it takes. This is MY journey.

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Comments:

Servi...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 4:56 PM Hey Beth, great post ... I was just sitting down and typing out my goals.  We are leaving for vacation and this will be the first one I don't gain 5 lbs on ... and as I was doing it I realized that I was struggling just to maintain and focusing on the struggle and then thinking I needed a kick in the pants ... and here was your journal!  So, thanks for sharing and putting it all out there.  You rock .... you will do this .... you've done so much already! 

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debra...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 5:02 PM

This came at exactly the right time.  My weight has been slowly creeping back up, and it's knocked my motivation out sight.  I've lost before, I can loose again, and I can loose more than ever before.  I have (now) 66 pounds to loose to get where I need to be to be healthy.

On that note, I think I'll load the kids up on their bikes, and we'll go for a ride.

Thanks.

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joani...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 5:05 PM

Have you ever read OXYGEN magazine?  Just wondering, you would probably like it.  heres a link

http://oxygenmag.com/index.php

Also, have you seen bodyspace.com?  its cool too!

Keep up the good attitude, thats the most important part!

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scarr...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 5:20 PM

Girl, I sooo love your open honesty! I think you are awesome....and ONE HOT BIATCH too!!!! LOL

NEVER GIVE UP OR GIVE IN! YOU CAN DO IT, I KNOW YOU CAN!!!

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klpzack
Jun. 3, 2008 at 6:37 PM I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!

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Tini
Jun. 3, 2008 at 7:38 PM

Woohoo!

I have been doing "awful" lately.

Just today, I find myself in a similar boat to yours... And, I decided to begin a journal... http://ajourneyofselflove.blogspot.com.

Tomorrow, I will begin posting, regularly.

XOXO to you girl!

P.S. You look hot in the photo!

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sarman
Jun. 3, 2008 at 11:14 PM I think you look amazing!  You're beautiful!  But I also want you to be happy with yourself.  Your journal entries are inspiring. You go girl! :)

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sherriet
Jun. 3, 2008 at 11:20 PM

You rock, Beth!  Journaling is usually the first thing to go before I get off track.  If I don't have to see what I'm putting into my body in print (or screen) then I can 'forget' about it.  No more!  2 of my released pounds came back and I will not rest until they and more of what needs to go are gone. 

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ali_m...
Jun. 4, 2008 at 12:55 AM

This post was just beautiful, and so are you! Every thing that you are saying, I totally understand, because I am at the place you were. I started losing the weight, and then when the scale stopped moving, I gave up. I am in the process of starting over, and I know I can do this. I will do this, and so will you. Good luck on continuing your weight loss journey!

Ali

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tomac...
Jun. 4, 2008 at 1:04 AM You go girl!  You can do it.  I wanna look for that book sounds interesting and might help me get off my butt and go lose that weight.  Thanks for the journal it helps to know there is something out there to help.

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