Time goes by, and people grow and change, and before you know it years pass, and you lose touch with ones you love.  Then like being hit by an invisible truck the call comes, and someone you love is gone, just like that.

Then you mourn and cry and feel guit for all the lost time, just because you entered different phases of life.  My guilt has overcome me at times, as much as my sadness and anger have.  Could my pressence over those last two years have changed any outcome??? I will never know.

Then time does it all over again.  Life continues, stays busy and hectic, and I am needed by those around me.  I work, play, laugh, love and make new memories.  All without a thought of you, because during all those day by day moments I forget.  I forget you're gone, I forget I miss you, I forget to mourn, to cry, to be sad.  Then I am stricken with guilt in quiet moments, because I've let life roll on without you.

I miss you, your silliness, your attitude, you likenesses to me, your differences.  I miss the person you brought out in me and the silence we shared that was never - as you once said - uncomforatable - but oddly comforting.

i also miss my belief system - that i lost after i lost you.  I believed in afterlife and this life -communicating.  i believed if the bond was strong it never ended.  Yet, I see and hear and feel you, nowhere.  Why????  I know, if it were possible you would come to me in some quiet moment in my life.  But you are not here, anymore.  Only I am, and nothing comforts me, no knowledge of what you have or haven't endured on the other side of it all.

I had no chance to say goodbye.  So that is what this is for me.  my final farewell. 

Goodbye "Baby",





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Jun. 3, 2008 at 6:18 PM well done!

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Jun. 4, 2008 at 1:19 PM

Well, I'm just going to come right out with it.  Since I was a member of the "we three" when Kevin was alive and when I made alot of stupid choices that distanced me from him especially in his final years, you've found the words.  I feel alot more guilt I think because of what happened between me and Kevin, but I still miss him.  He was always out there, but now he's not.  I think of him often too.  I know that you've been struck by alot of bullets to your belief system and emotionally for the loss, but I have to believe that if he could communicate with either or both of us, he would.  He's probably too busy stirring up trouble wherever he is.  At least that is what I like to think. 

 Being that we two are left behind, I love you always, no matter what.  I can never let anything or anyone get in the way of that.

 Amen to all you shared.

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