so.. i've mentioned before that i'm having some problems. with school, with jeremy, and with myself. i don't remember how much i have explained. but jeremy still isn't helping me out with anything. we are seriously about to be kicked out if i don't get the house cleaned. i'm so unorganized.. i'm probably about to fail my classes. and i don't know what to do. like i know what i need to do - i guess it's a need. i don't think i need to be with jeremy if he's not going to help me. but i also really really do not want to do this by myself. even though that's what i'm doing anyways. i talked to my dad earlier and he said that the only way that he is going to change is, pretty much, if i scare him. like i have to leave and let him realize that he has to help me or i'm not going to stick around.. it's just really hard to even think about doing that because i don't want jeremy to decide not to be with me. cause i love him. and i feel like he loves me. really. but i've been told that if he loved me he would not treat me the way he does. i just feel horrible. i really want jeremy in jesse's life. i'm afraid that if i leave that jeremy would have nothing to do with us. other than that.. i feel like i have no place to go. i can go back to my parents if i need to but don't want to. and if i really really needed to.. i could let my parents keep jesse until i could get on my feet but they already do so much for me and i don't want to take all of that help from them.. i don't feel good. my depression over all of this is killing me.. i just don't know what to do with my life.. it's been messed up since i was born. and because of that i wanna be a good girl and take care of the baby by myself and clean the house and be a perfect partner but for some reason i can't. i was watching the tyra banks show today and she was talking to someone who was in a bad relationship and she said that he has a good heart and an amazing personality but he is letting himself be taken advantage of because their is apart of him that he doesn't love. that you have to love yourself completely before you can be with someone who is right for you. someone who will treat you fair. but the problem for me is i don't know where to start. i don't know what problems within me to fix. there is just so many. i really need someone to just talk to me.. i don't know what to do about this...

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Comments:

missk...
Jun. 5, 2008 at 9:52 AM

Sounds like you don't really need him in your life.

And just because you need help for awhile doesnt mean you are a bad mom. im on government assistance because my sons father is a POS father. rarely around and no support from him. financially or physically.

 You have to do what's best for your son and for you.

If leaving your boyfriend and going back home for a few months is what has to be done for your son to have a better life then do it.

Also try to apply for assistance. It's good to use if you need it. They have programs out there for a reason =)

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