My father-in-law passed away on Sunday. Kayla had come home to see him and we were about 5 minutes from leaving when we got the call. Of course she was so upset she crawled into bed and cried all day. Kenneth was out of town celebrating his girlfriends birthday, so I had to break the news that way. He managed to keep it together until he got home. Kali was at her grandma's, which was for the best. My husband and I went to the hospital, and i'm the only one who went in to say good-bye. I understand people deal with grief in different ways, but I wish he would have gone in. We then went and spent a few hours with Oscar's (FIL) new wife.

 My husband comes from a large family.....7 aunts and uncles and my husband has 7 siblings. I was informed by "someone" that there was a suspicious form that had to be signed by Oscar, at his lowest point I might add, and it wasn't explained to Oscar what it was about. A son who is now living on the ranch and is in "charge" had it signed. I hope to find out what the hell that was about.

Anyways....I have been flooded with phone calls from family and friends wanting to know about services, viewings and where to send flowers. I've had to tell them, "I don't know".....I'm still saying, "I don't know" and it's now Tuesday.

Here's where it gets good. Stan (the brother "in charge") knew that there was family that was still wanting to say good-bye. My husband told him last night that the kids wanted to go see him....we were told that would be okay because the obituary isn't even finished. Kayla took off work today and Kenneth only worked 1/2 day. Got the call this morning that it might be too late. I asked Stan what he meant because we were told there was still time. I told him I would call the Funeral Home (it's here in Weiser and we are the only one's who live close) and find out a time. This is what he said to me, "I am the only one who has authorization to stop the cremation process".....I said, "I wanted to call and get a time that we needed to be there before it happened". By this time I was pissed. He called them and called me back and said, "well, it's too late....sorry". That was it. My blood was boiling and I knew I better not open my mouth. I called Kayla who was waiting for a time and she called her dad. Kenny chewed him out and said it's done and there's nothing we can do about it and that the funeral might not be for 3 weeks......yep, 3 weeks! I went off and said, "you know, it is done but why were we all told there was time and there wasn't". I also let him know that i'm pretty sure the funeral home would let someone know the approx. day and time they were going to start, so why hasn't he called and let anyone know, and if he was called to let him know they were starting why didn't he tell them to put it off for one more day? He's making arrangements all by himself and NOT including the rest of the siblings, which I think is wrong. I don't care if they are all fighting and don't get along. All kids should have an input on services.

Here's the kicker..............................his wife didn't even get to go say goodbye. She was going with us!

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Comments:

Karas...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 8:02 PM Wow. I'm sorry for ya'lls loss. I would definatly be upset too.

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my3an...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 8:09 PM I might add that we were waiting yesterday to be told when and where and how long we had......would have been nice to know that yesterday was our only day!

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EmGoodie
Jun. 3, 2008 at 8:27 PM I have some select words I could use for that BIL of yours right now...BUT I'm going to try and keep this respectful. WHAT AN A**HOLE...okay I couldn't help that one. I am SOO sorry that this happened to you and your children. I would be spinning in anger. Counting to 100 wouldn't calm me down. I hope that your children and his wife will still get to have some sort of sense of closure after this. It's a terrible thing to have happen. You are in my thoughts!

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stron...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 8:28 PM

I am so sorry. I lost a dear friend, Danny. We always called him Bozo, ummm, my baby son called him Uncle Bo. Well Danny called himself Uncle Bo because my boy was just a baby. He was my dear friend. A man 14 years older than me that was always just a friend. About 13 years ago I walked in the door from work & my husband at the time looked at me & said, " sit down it is bad." { he had the look, ya know the look on his face.} Before I could even prepare myself he said Danny is dead.

He had had a heart attack & died on his living room floor. His family cremated him. I was so lost. I never knew someone I did not get to say good-bye to. For that whole summer it is as if I were insane when I would see a car just like Danny's, I would really think it was him. The good-bye part is very important for closure. I mean I know it happens everyday, for whatever reason people loose people without the chance to say good-bye, but tell your kids I know what it feels like for it to happen for the first time. It is horrible. Tricks out the human psyche completely.

Your BIL is am asshole. Find out about the secret form. IDK why he was saying there was a time & there not. Probably to buy himself some time to not have to tell you that he was not having your FIL embalmed & there was never going to be a viewing. Saved himself some bucks. He is an asshole to do that to your husband & kids & everybody, but I really feel for your kids. I am so sorry.

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my3an...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 8:47 PM Thank you......we always knew he would be cremeted.  I'm thinking the thing that was signed had to do with him getting the ranch.....the sneaky way, or something to do with the ranch.

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judys...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 9:35 PM

So sorry about your loss!   (((HUGS)))

Your BIL is a SOB!   When my dad died, we had a funeral service & then he was cremated...& when they took him to the crematorium 2 family members had to be present....but I guess all states are different......Again I'm so sorry sweetie!

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Kelli...
Jun. 3, 2008 at 9:36 PM So sorry to hear about your family's loss, Kel.  And sorry to hear your BIL is causing problems.  You would think that people would come together and be supportive during a time like this, rather than trying to control everyone and be insensitive. 

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cespr...
Jun. 4, 2008 at 8:49 AM I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL.  That's just sad that BIL would be trying to be sneaking in a time like this.  I hope everything gets worked out.. and you find out what that paper was about!  And remember, you FIL isn't going to care that everyone didn't make it to the room to see him, he knows you all love him.

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