I'm an absolute mess. 

I found out yesterday that I am being forced to stay out of work for another week because of my foot injury.  I'm so scared right now, I don't know what to do.  Missing this much time definitely puts my position in jeopardy and I don't know if this family can make ends meet (let alone plan a wedding) if I take such a horrible pay cut.  Not to mention that, my next 3 paychecks will suffer dearly regardless of whether I lose my position or not.  

I just don't understand why it would be so hard to give me light duty for the time being.  I was honest and fessed up to why I was using sick time last weekend.  Just because I hurt myself at home as opposed to at work, I'm now in a whole bunch of trouble.

What kind of world is this where people have to chose their job over their own health and well-being?  Accidents do happen.  I could have (and would have) hobbled my way thru 3 12 hour shifts on a sprained foot had I not become ill on top of it.  The two together were just too much.  I needed to rest.  AND NOW I PAY.  

So, they make me see the facility's Dr... who tugs and pulls on my foot and sees that all there is is a lot of bruising and no excruciating pain. And bases his decision on whether or not I can return to work in 5 DAYS on the fact that I still have a slight limp.

On top of it all, I need to have a form signed by my primary doctor giving his evaluation of the situation.  And from my experience, my health insurance does not cover any examinations mandated by my employer.  So what's that??? Another $150 out of my pocket?

DF is furious... he was so disgusted when I told him what happened.  He knows how much my paycheck means to this household.  I've basically gotten the silent treatment for the past 24 hours and I really hope that this isn't the reason.  He agreed to swap cars for tonite so that I could go pick DS up from school.  I can't quite put enough pressure on my left foot to work the clutch in my car and his is an automatic.  For some reason he seemed pissed at this request.

Then DS was throwing a fit about not being able to play with our neighbor boy tonite.  For one thing, they're not even home.  And for another, I simply cannot leave the house since I've been having waves of illness come over me for the past 2 days and NEED to be near my own bathroom.

And the wedding... we're already scraping the bottom of the barrel to fund this event that got WAY out of hand in the planning.  I really need to find ways to scale it back and quick.  

I feel so discouraged and helpless right now.  I didn't even want to get out of bed today and it was all I could do to get dressed only to go fetch DS from school. 

There was a sermon in church the other week about not worrying and leaving all things in the hands of God.  I'm trying so hard to reflect upon that.  I've never become homeless or starved in all of the hard times that i've encountered before... so why would this time be any different.

 Yeah... That's what I gotta keep telling myself.


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