wanting to be less hateful

[PiscesRooster]

 I got sucked up into the step parenting groups  and participated in a post that was making fun of BM's posting their pics and laughting at their less attractive qualities. I posted a pic of BM zooming in on her buck teeth and laughing at them. I knew it was stupid, like I said I just got caught up. I erased the scan from the documents file on outr computer but was unaware DH stalks everything I do online and he found it in the recycling bin. He confronted me about it the next day and I told him I was sorry and honestly told him why I did it and what the post was about. I promised not to do it again, left the group and heard nothing about it again until he had a little bit too much to drink and really jumped my butt about it. I kept telling him that I had apologized and would never do it again but he wasnt listening and kept on. He said he found it personally offensive and that in our new house (we're being relocated in the end of the summer) there would be no more of it. I'm telling him "okay okay okay!"

Then he said the thing that completely destroyed me. He said "I will not have you making fun of my family"

As he said that, I set down my glass, gave him the evil eye and walked upstairs to go to bed. Halfway up the stairs I said "if they are your family maybe you should take them with you"

How can SHE be his family? How exactly are they family? If she's his family then what, she's his wife? Then what the fuck does that make me because I'm no polygamist and she isn't my sister wife!

I then wrote in my journal (that I know he reads if not put up) that his first son was the only son he ever wanted, as he told me before I got pregnant with our son that he already had the only child he wanted, the one to carry on his namesake. I openly admit that our son was planned by me but not by dh. He loves Ang with his whole being now and is a great father but I can't stop thinking about the hundreds of times he told me that. To this day I call Ang "my baby" not ours. I know Dh knew he'd really gone too far, I could tell by his behavior shortly after. I was not so forgiving though.

Dh asked BM if she had any insurance for sk since she got remarried to a man who makes good money, we figured they were all on his policy. Bm told dh that she takes their son to the subsudised clinic in our town because she has no insurance.  Dh told her he'd be able to put sk on his new insurance. Dh said she was so happy. Then the next day we got a letter in the mail from DHS, notifying dh that he is $100 behind in CS. Well, I myself was a single mother on assistance and I know that when you draw assistance your cs papers come from the welfare office not CS enforcement. She lied to him, she's getting medicaid and probably food stamps. I think she may not have told DHS that she even got remarried and may be drawing welfare because her new Dh surpasses income requirements. It just really pisses me off to see her bold face lie to dh to work his sympathies then I have to listen to him crying that she takes their son to the subsudiesd clinic because "she's so proud"

Im sick of hearing her bitch that their son has to wear hand me downs meanwhile every article of clothing I or my baby own have been purchased from thrift stores yet when I see bm she's in head to toe brand new Nordstroms.

What bothers me the most about her is there have been times she needed a babysitter and she is declined by DH quite often due to his work schedule, she then has sk call the house when she knows Im here alone and ask to stay over. They dont have a visitation schedule and the only visits she arranges are due to her schedule, not for the betterment of her son's relationship with his father. So anyways, she makes her son call me and I can hear her telling him what to say in the background. When I tell him he has to check with his father before he can come over because it isnt my call he tells me that if he cant come over here with me than his teenage sister has to watch him. He then sits there saying noting waiting for me to cave, which I do not do. If the bitch needs a  babysitter she should call me herself and have the nerve to be honest and ask me instead of using her 10 year old as her mouthpiece. If she could do that I'd respect her enough to say yes and watch her kid for her whenever she could address me like a mature adult instead of trying to manipulate me like she does everyone else. This isnt my 1st rodeo! 

I could talk to dh about the issues I have regarding her spinelessness till I'm blue in the face. It still isnt going to change her. I just want to be less hateful. Im a very idealistic at times narcicisstic person. I just need to find some mental middle ground so that I'm not filled with rage toward her...

All suggestions and insights are welcomed and appreciated. Thanks!

[BrittBratt]

Jun. 6, 2008 at 11:57 AM

Hey girl....

You know we're cool... but OMG... making fun of birth mothers? C'mon Bran!! That bugs me and it should bug you, too, seeing as though WE are birth mothers. I know that I went through hell with my ex's girlfriends making fun of me.

Those B's should be ashamed of themselves. I'm thinking.... they're jealous. How dare them. Grrr.

OK, I'm done now. Oh. I think your hubby meant that like, they WERE a family, and really, they will kinda always be one. They have a kid together. Wouldn't you want him to feel that way about you and Ang if you guys were to split??