Renewing my faith, Josuha Ira 4/11/08

[Tiffatoe]

August of 2008 was one of the most eventful and painful of my life. Aug. 5th we received the middle of the night phone call, the one everyone dreads. My BIL was missing, he went canoeing on the Kansas river with three friend and two were rescued but Josh and Rich were missing. My DH and his parents and brothers went down to help with the search at the Topeka water plant at the weir, which is were they went in. I stayed at home pacing, with my three little ones sleeping.

After the kids woke up, I took them to school and daycare and joined my in laws at the water plant...we sat there for hours in the 95 degree weather, hoping for something and seeing nothing. We got notified they found a body at about 3pm, they asked us for identifying marks. Then we waited for the coroner to decide if it was our Josh. It was. We went to the coroners office and IDed him, I will never forget how he looked, I hope it will get easier with time.

A couple of weeks into packing up Joshs apartment and taking care of everything, I realized me period was late, but I figured it was probably stress. Until it still didn't arrive a week later, I told my DH that we had to talk, he said "your pregnant aren't you, whenever you say that you are pregnant!" Two test later...Yup preggers. I go to the BWC and start prenatal care, I knew exactly when my last period was so we set EDD at 4/12, though at around 20wks Norla said I'm not measuring right...sonogram. It showed me to be more like 18wks EDD of 4/27. If you do a reverse due date predictor to find conception date, I conceived the same day Josh passed, and yes we did have sex earlier before the call.

At 32wks I noticed some spotting on my panties, I never had that happen before so I had my mom take me to hospital and DH stayed with the kids at home. After monitoring me for a few hours I was sent home and schedules a sonogram for the next day. They couldn't see much with the sonogram, we knew I had a low lying placenta, it didn't sit on my cervix though, so they said I could still do vaginal delivery. I go home and that afternoon I feel a large gush, I thought my water broke, but it was blood. We go back to hospital and I get steroid shots and observation overnight and two more sonograms. But after the bleeding stopped I get sent home for bedrest (with three other kids...yeah right!) My brother and mom alternated coming over to "babysit" me, because they didn't trust me to not get up and take care of my own kids.

At 37 weeks I went into labor, but pretended nothing was going on, until hubby got boys to school and my brother showed up to "babysit" We head it to hospital and after half an hour of labor, I start feeling gushes with each contraction...I was bleeding again. More and more blood was coming, my nurse looked scared and kept calling my dr., my poor mom, she never looked so worried, not even when my father died, she kept saying your so pale, you white, my poor mom. After changing 3 chucks pads in 5mins weighing in at over 1000g, I was wheeled into operating room. When we get there they start setting up and try to listen to baby...they had trouble finding him, I hear some one say we need to get him out he is feeling it. I seriously, never met the dr who did my surgery. It wasn't until I hear "through 1st layer" that I realized they started. After a couple units of blood I felt better, but still woozy, it was decided they should of given me more.

After all of this I got my gift from God/Gods, Josuha Ira 6lbs7ozs 19in, and as handsome as his namesake.

[Jules_]

Jun. 6, 2008 at 7:02 PM He is beautiful!!  I remember the canoeing accident.  I was in the hospital having our daughter the first time I heard it on the news.  One of the guys that made it out okay was a friend of mine's husband.  I am so sorry for your loss.

[topekamommy]

Jun. 6, 2008 at 9:30 PM

Brings back memories.  He is so cute, I am glad you are both okay.  I was so scared with my last.  I had so many problems, but she was born healthy, despite lots of fears.

[so.this.is.love]

Jun. 8, 2008 at 5:41 AM

so sorry to hear about your brother in law. 

and so happy your baby boy was born healthy.  

did they ever determine what was causing you to bleed so heavily?

[mama75]

Jun. 10, 2008 at 8:47 PM

Awww...so sorry about your BIL...I'm sure he watches over his little nephew though!  What an adorable little man!!!

Abruptions are a scary, scary thing!  I think I have post-traumatic stress from mine...I still occasionally have panic attacks.

I'm glad we met...we have a lot in common!  :)

[luvmylaney]

Jun. 12, 2008 at 12:46 PM

I hope you don't mind me reading this.. it sent shivers down my spine. He is so beautiful! And so special....

[scrappymomma]

Jun. 13, 2008 at 12:26 AM

First you give me goose bumps then you bring me tears! Good ones though! I fogot you named baby after your passin BIL. God Bless!

[LizzyD49]

Aug. 6, 2008 at 11:44 AM

Wow, I remember that time. I'm sorry that you lost a Joshua but am so glad to know you gained a sweet little miracle by the same name! I'm praying for you and your family today! He looks like he was a such an amazing and happy soul!