I'll start by saying that I know rain ponchos and mom guilt would not necessarily seem related to each other.   Unless of course you are like me, you work full-time outside the home, and you are the mother of a preternaturally clingy 9-year old.  Thing 2 leaves for evening Girl Scout camp tonight.  Normally I'm one of those moms you love to hate.  The one who has everything tagged, bagged and in it's bucket by the door at least 4-5 days in advance.  My forms are filled out, swaps are done, I've double-checked the gear list, car-pool schedule and am feeling quite satisfied all is well in the world.

But not this year.  Things have, quite frankly, come completely apart for some reason.  Oh, there are reasons -- but I'd rather be vague than admit to an overall sense of agitation and annoyance at this whole parenting gig.  So I've gotten lazy.  And the simple act of recognizing my laziness has magnified the mom guilt that I slip into on a daily basis.  The guilt greets me with my first cup of coffee and drifts off with me as I fall asleep.  So of course I spend a lot of time compensating.  Hence, the rain poncho.  Last night, as we are going over the gear list (yes, that's last night - as in, the night before she leaves) we can't find her rain poncho.  It's almost 11PM, I'm tired and (as stated above) annoyed and agitated so I pull out the giant garbage bag, cut the arm holes and a neck hole and slip it over her head.  It's ridiculous and funny and she's not quite sure what to think.  I try knotting it at the shoulders.  We are both skeptical.  I can tell she's thinking "I'm going to get soaked in this get up".  "It's fine" I say -- really it's fine.  Better than nothing, but obviously not the best I could do.

Today I wake up to overcast skies and then it starts to rain.  All I can think is that I'm sending my kid out into the woods in a trash bag.  I spend my lunch hour driving around to find a poncho and running it back to my house.  Then I bought the $8 fancy one instead of the $4 cheapo one.  And really, what difference did that make?  Does this make up for my guilt, my agitation and annoyance? Of course it doesn't.   But I will say I feel like I did the right thing - rather than just giving in to being lazy.  And when it pours down on her tonight (that's me being pessimistic), she will be dry and I will enjoy a rare moment of NO guilt. 

Everyone can see this journal post.

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