An Unethical Adoption?

[casjoh]

If you take a journey around cafemom and you happen upon a newly created group dealing with adoption, I ask strongly that you take a good, long look at the purpose for the group.  If it is a group created solely for the moms of pregnant teenagers to come together and discuss the "greatness" of adoption in attempts to push their daughters in that direction, please run the other way.

No women, no matter her age, should ever be forced or coerced into losing her child to adoption.  This is wrong on every level and should not even be allowed in my opinion.  I for one wish this group was restricted from even existing since it's main purpose is one of such a disgusting nature.

If you are a couple hoping to adopt, please keep in mind, by creating such a relationship with mothers who wish to force their daughters into losing their children to adoption, you are, essentially condoning that mother's should have the right to force such a terrible grief and loss on their child.

 Nobody should EVER have such decisions forced on them, whether it is to adopt or parent their unborn baby.  Young, pregnant moms deserve information, truth of experience, and support in whatever they choose.  To not give them this is to fail them. 

Please, if any of the hopeful couples out there see this as an opportunity to adopt a child by joining this group and forming "relationships" with mothers who want to force their daughters into adoption, step back and take a long hard look at the true ramifications of this.  It isn't right.  It isn't ethical.  And the baby you may  be hopeful for will have come to you in all the wrong ways and for all the wrong reasons.

I truly hope, even as some of us ladies have debated on opposite sides here within cafemom, we can stand together against this and agree no woman should ever be put in such a position by anyone!

Tags: adoption, adoptive parents, pregnant teens

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[randi1978]

Jun. 12, 2008 at 6:05 PM Any parent that tries to force their own child into surrendering should be charged with emotional abuse and neglect, IMO.

[Laja24]

Jun. 12, 2008 at 6:52 PM I completely agree!!!

[Momzilla4]

Jun. 12, 2008 at 7:55 PM it is truly emotional abuse.  nothing else BUT.  those mothers are consigning their daughters to a lifetime of pain and loss, nevermind the severe depression, PTSD, dissociation, and relationship problems that come with disembabyment.  and sooner or later those daughters will wake up and realize just what their mothers did to them, and then the mother WILL lose her daughter permanently.  just as any child who was abused -- physically or sexually -- will do the healthy thing and leave the abuser in the dust.  I did it to my own cruel and heartless mother -- the abuser has it coming and deserves it.  Any mother who would willingly force, coerce or "convince" her daughter to surrender her baby does not deserve that daughter at all.

[blessedwboysx3]

Jun. 12, 2008 at 11:45 PM

I agree - its really sad to see a mother take such a hard stance on this subject and appear to be blatanly ignoring the potential issues her daughter could face.  I know I don't know what is right for her daughter, but I know that having this decision forcefully made for her can not have any good outcome.  My parents did it to me and while I have a great life it's not because I relinquished my child or because my parents were doing me some great favor.  My life isn't better without my son - its simply different.  I don't have much of a relationship with my parents, after all is said and done they let me down, they abandoned me and left me to feel unwanted, unloved and unimportant.  I suppose those things drove me to prove them wrong, but it doesn't make the pain go away.

[Momzilla4]

Jun. 13, 2008 at 12:29 AM

I made a great life for myself DESPITE having lost my child to adoption courtesy of my vindictive mother, a hospital system that abducted babies from unwed mothers at birth, and a predatory social wrecker who had a waiting list of paying customers.

If i had been able to raise my eldest son, life would have been different and i would NOT have had the emotional struggles with crippling grief and loss that almost made me fail university.  once one wakes up out of the "shock and numbness" state, the grief is devastating and i hope that mothers who are considering forcing their daughters to surrender consider this -- open adoption does NOTHING to make it any better. 

[PrairieGirl3576]

Jun. 13, 2008 at 10:05 AM I think what the mother is doing is child abuse!  But, there is something else to consider.  IF this is indeed a setup (as some have suggested) what is the payoff?  Her mom says people are pm'ing her all the time.  Perhaps by creating such public controversy she is setting prospective couples up to get $$?  How sick would that be?

[casjoh]

Jun. 13, 2008 at 10:07 AM

I guess to some people none of this matters.  They are willing to try for that baby no matter what the situation.  I'm sickened that there are paps who are actually talking to this mom about adopting the baby and have made friends with her in their hopes to be the "lucky" couple who is chosen. 

I truly am surprised as I thought morally, there would be no question to the wrongness of a young girl being forced by her mother to lose her baby to adoption.  But it appears some believe that doesn't make a difference.  The mother can be treated cruely and unfairly as long as they get the baby in the end.

I'm heartbroken over that.

(Original Poster)

[casjoh]

Jun. 13, 2008 at 10:11 AM

Perhaps by creating such public controversy she is setting prospective couples up to get $$?  How sick would that be?

I truly hope this isn't the case.  I don't believe in anybody playing these games with somebody's emotions.  But, if this does turn out to be the truth - honestly - there will be a part of me that says these paps who are pm'ing in hopes of getting the baby are making unethical and uncaring choices themselves.  If you walk willing into that situation you have to, at some point in time, realize you are going to get burned by the other side.  A relationship of any kind that lacks morals and decency is set from the start to cheat others.

(Original Poster)

[PrairieGirl3576]

Jun. 14, 2008 at 8:33 PM More going on as of Saturday the 14th.  Mom is stalking one of the beautiful young mothers who tried to help her.

[IZs_mommy]

Jun. 16, 2008 at 2:41 PM She harassed me for a bit, but I sure am glad she is gone!  Ugh.  I would have been so TERRIFIED if my parents told me I HAD to do something with my child.  They are very upset with the unplanned pregnancy of my first, but they got over it and realized it was my decision.  Now, we all have a great relationship with my first.