humm

[Sariah5-6-07]

There's not really much i can say anymore I lost my daughter when she was 3 days old.I was 5 1/2months pregnant when had her.people tell me that i need to get over it and put her pictures away but i tried that and it hurts more without seeing her stuff.I Loved her from the time i heard her heart beat when i was 4 months.There's some things i wish i could take back but i can't. I killed my little girl I took her off.I told the bastards that they could take her off of everything and it's killing me the thought that it was my choice and i said yes but then again i had my reasons she only weighed 1lb 1oz and she was 10 1/2 inches long.When i first had her she grabbed my finger when i held her hand the day i took her off she wasn't doing anything but lying there Her brain was bleeding  her liver,lungs and heart was not all the way developed.She was so small her hands were no bigger then the tip of my index finger her feet were no bigger then the palm of my hands.

[amandahannigan]

Jun. 12, 2008 at 7:55 PM You can get over it when you are ready to.It's not your fault that she was born early everything happens for a reason.The same thing happened to my friend and she would have made an awesome mother but there are some things beyond our control and that is one of them. When you are good and ready to have another child you will and that child will most likely fill the void that you have in your life now. I know what it feels like to love your child way before birth because when I heard the heart beat of my child for the first time I was in love.I didn't know if she was a girl or boy and I couldn't have cared less because I knew that baby was mine.Your baby is always going to be with you no matter what but when you choose to take her pictures down and try moving on is completly up to you.There is no greater love than the love a mother has for her children.If you need anything you can always talk to me.

[marie111594]

Jun. 12, 2008 at 9:06 PM

I am so sorry that you are hurting so much! I wish that I had the magic words to make you feel better and to help you understand that you DID NOT kill your baby girl. Things happen in life that are painful and we will always want to know "why?" Be gentle with yourself and try to find someone that you can talk to.

[raineslibramom]

Jun. 12, 2008 at 11:19 PM

Hi. I know that only another mom who was lost a child can even begin to understand what you are feeling right now. And Even then, they can't because only you know your mind and heart. I lost my baby girl in June of last year. I can't tell you how lucky you were to have the precious time with her alive that you did have. I know it hurts nad you feel cheated. Like The world will never be quite right agian. Like no one could possibly understand your broken heart. My Erin died in the end of my first trimester. They had to do a DNC to remove her. I was allowed to see her remains, and in my heart, i made myself see a tiny baby... but everyone else who saw her told me that she was unrecognizable. I have never felt so completely broken in all my life. I wish with all of my heart the I could promise you that one day you'll think of her and it won't hurt anymore. If that's true, the day hasn't come for me yet. I can tell you that the day will come when it won't hurt as badly. As for people telling you to put her pictures and things away- I still have her ultrasound pictures out. I have a tiny memorial set up. It's not a crime to remember your daughter- It's a crime to forget her. eventually the days get easier, and sometimes, you can almost begin to rationalize why your baby couldn't stay with you. One day you will think of Sariah and even though it will still hurt, it won't be as sharp a pain, and little by little you'll find some peace. With the problem that she had, I'm sure that the doctor told you how impossibly small her cahcne of survival was.  That even if she survived awhile, with her health problems, it would be a horrible existence for her. Life support can be more cruel than leting someone go. I truly believe that as a mom you made the choice that you felt in your heart was best for your little girl. You didn't kill her. You let her go, let her move on to a place where she is healthy and strong and happy. If you ever want to talk or cry or yell and sream. I've been there. you can always drop me a note. i wish i could take away the pain that feel like it fills you up, and the emptiness that is suffocating you... i truly wish i could. Sariah wouldn't want you to feel this way. i hope that you soon find some peace. Don't kill yourself trying to understand why or find answers... You'll drive yourself crazy.

God, grant her the serenity to accept the thing she cannot change

the courage to change the things she can

and the wisdom to know the difference.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[snow.angel83]

Jun. 13, 2008 at 3:31 PM I am so sorry you lost your lil girl. You never have to put her pictures away. It's going to take time to heal. I'm sorry for your loss. You had no idea what would happen. She's always going to be with you. You had no control over having her very early. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

[MaxNMakennasMom]

Jun. 15, 2008 at 8:51 PM

My daughter died a month ago. She lived for 21 days, and I had to make the decision to take her off life support. I understand your pain. If you ever want to talk, I'm here. God Bless your little girl. And trust me, if anyone ever tells me to just "Get over Makenna" or "put her pictures away", they will deal with the wrath of a mommy. You do what you need to do to heal. Your pain will never go away and you will never get over her. In time, you will just learn to live with the pain. Good luck sweetie. I'm here if you ever want to talk and please, don't ever think you killed your baby. You gave her peace and you took away the pain, and you made the most difficult, yet the most unselfish decision a mommy can make. I had alot of problems with taking Makenna off life support, but in the end, I knew that if I kept her on it, it would just be to ease my pain, not to do what was best for her.

[Dani960]

Jun. 23, 2008 at 10:33 PM

I am so sorry for your loss and I can never say that I know how you feel. I can only imagine how i would feel. People and souls come in to our lives for a reason and I only hope that you can take something positive from  your situation. Those few days were filled with love and you can rest easy knowing that your little one felt that. No matter how small they are they know a mom's love. Thankfully we do get more than one chance at it and I would imagine if your little one had a voice, she would want you to be happy. So praise the time you had with her and keep the faith. All the best, a fellow mom...

Dani