There is a hole in my heart...

[Zanjea]

Yesterday my youngest daughter graduated from Kindergarten.  All day yesterday I was crying, and I had no idea why.  Last night at the ceremony, I understood.  I am so sad today.  Of course I am happy that she is succeeding and progressing in school.

I am sad because, I no longer have a baby/ toddler/preschooler to take care of.  I am sad because there are so many things that I wish that I had done with my kids, but I didn't get the chance too.   I am sad that I will never have that chance, ever again.

Yes, I know, I still have three daughters.  We have many new and wonderful experiences and times ahead of us,  They will be different, and they will be great, but they will never be the same again.  I will never know the feeling of a baby growing inside of me, or the anticipation of birth.  I will never have a little one who is always seated on my right hip, while I go about my daily chores.  No more holding sticky little hands.  No putting one in the stroller and going about our business during the day.  No more of that beautiful smell when you get them out of the bath and into their warm jammies.

Yes, I am blessed, and I thank God for all that He has given me.  But I am also heartbroken, and sad at the times that will never be again.

[juggymommy]

Jun. 14, 2008 at 3:19 PM Those milestones are the hardest when it is your youngest.

[Gram12of15]

Jun. 14, 2008 at 3:24 PM I thought that same way for a long time.....then I became a Grandma!  It's even better, so keep in mind that you're just taking a break....you'll hear little ones calling again one day.  Hugs!

[sweetheart4171]

Jun. 14, 2008 at 3:27 PM

HUGS to you.....you know of course I'm feeling the same

Hold on to your babies as long as you can and like I said in my journal cherish every single moment from here on out!!!!

[Zanjea]

Jun. 14, 2008 at 3:31 PM Thank you for all of your kindness today ladies.  I need it!

(Original Poster)

[cleanaturalady]

Jun. 14, 2008 at 4:05 PM Oh, I know how you feel.  There are bittersweet moments like this all the time in a moms life.  I have felt that way many times as my kids are aging.  My youngest will be in 4th grade next year.  I start to hyperventilating when I think of only having 2 more years at elementary school.  I just can't stand it!  I hope you will be able to get through this time of sadness.  Hugs to you!

[MommaK2007]

Jun. 14, 2008 at 5:14 PM Oh, I so understand what you're feeling!  I feel that my family is complete, but I wonder when that wistulness and longing will go away.  I almost can't even be around little bitty ones because it wakes up that ache inside me.  I'm trying to focus on the blessings I have while I wait for round two -- grandbabies!

[aussiegirl3]

Jun. 14, 2008 at 5:52 PM Just want to share with you that I also went thru that at some point, but I can't tell you the sweetness of conversing about deeper things with your kids as they grow and watching them live out and learn so much of what you have taught them.  Is so fun to see them mature and thrive and grow in their talents and really see what their passions are.  I think I will mourn the elementary years more because there is so much more relationally going on right now than when they were little.  I know they will soon get to the age where they want to pull from me more and I will miss them.  Hang in there, mommy!

[mamadita]

Jun. 15, 2008 at 6:37 PM Believe me when I say...you have so many new experiences still to come!

[momtoo9]

Jun. 18, 2008 at 5:21 PM I totally understand....that's why we adopted more :) Then I can do all those things that I wished I done with the older kids. I get my 2nd chance. Grandbabies are great.....but they go home to their own parents. I have a melancholy thing going on with me as well....my youngest and 3 of my granddaughters are all turning 5 this summer! Seems like a huge milestone. Means they are technically ready for school. I am soooo thankful I homeschool. I can be around them more and longer. It is a blast!  Hang in there...I am being told that this too shall pass :)

[irishcoffee]

Jun. 30, 2008 at 7:00 PM I am having those same feelings as my baby starts middle school - it's true it's hard when it's the baby!  I am looking forward to new challenges and adventures and praying she stays grounded in the Lord!  Hugs to you and the girls!