I wish that I had my father still living and breathing. I lost my father to Cancer in May of 96". I was turning 21 that year. My father was only 57 when he passed. I lost the chance to have the ability to become close with my Father. I lost the chance for him to be at my wedding, walk me down the Aisle, to see his Beautiful Grand daughter. Even though my father was diagnosed with cancer in 85" when I was 10, I still was the tough teenage girl, hard to deal with. When I was younger I used to be his little girl, when I was a teenager we had a lot of arguments. As a teenager and into my early 20's I was self absorbed and into my boyfriends and nothing else. I felt as if my Father did not accept me or love me. So when he died I felt sad that I had lost my opportunity for him to know me as a more mature and grown up woman. I would now have appreciated him more, and gotten closer with him.
It is kind of strange this topic came up today. Because last week DD got a hold of a cross that my Mother had given me, that I keep in the car. The cross was a duplicate. My Mother had ordered my dad a identical cross of the one he had bought her (bigger and more manly looking) This was for the 31st wedding Anniv. ( the one before he died) Well the day after my dad died the cross came in the mail. (the larger one for my father) My Mother gave me the smaller one that my dad had given her. I always keep in the car with me. So DD kept asking what's that. So I let her hold it on the way to her speech therapy and OT appointment. So I notice on Friday night it is missing. I searched my whole car in vain, and could not find it, had my DH search car. It ends up that it is completely missing. I was feeling so bad that I lost it. ( I treasure it, and it is a good luck charm and a reminder of my father) I go to DD speech and OT appointment. And there hanging on the bench in front of the building is my cross. What a miracle!! Nobody took it, some nice person hung it up on the bench so it would be noticed. I felt truly blessed. (and yesterday was Father's day!!)
Boy do I miss my Father, it has been 12 yrs since he passed, not a day goes by that I don't think of him or miss him. He appears in my dreams and we talk. It would not be normal if I didn't admit I wish I had never lost my father.
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