I ordered a Birthing Kit on Monday, and it arrived today!  [www.inhishands.com they are SO FAST]  Yay.  Now I only need a few more things from the store!  I also need to wash all the newborn blankets and clothes and jammies, and get everything prepared in a "birthing basket" for the big day.  It's getting so close! 

And I still haven't decided if I'm going to buy a birthing pool or not. 

In other news my mother is driving me absolutely insane.  She keeps emailing me thinking she is smart and asking things like "well what if blah blah blah"  Last week she asked me "What if you have pre-eclampsia!  How would you know? You cant check your own blood pressure!" *sigh*  #1, yes. I can check my own blood pressure.  Its called the pharmacy at wal-mart.  #2 I would be swelling. A lot. and I'm not swelling. at all! #3There is NOTHING you can think of going wrong that I dont know what to do or how to handle concerning a pregnancy or birth.  This has been my goal for the past 18 months!!!"   Then the other day she emailed me like "Well Aunt Darlene says if you go into the hospital in active labor they wont charge you!"  WHAT THE HELL?  My response: "I'm NOT going to the hospital.  Money is NOT the reason.  A homebirth being free is a PERK, not a reason. I am DONE talking about this with you, do NOT bring it up again."

This from the woman who also said "Well i want to be there in case something goes wrong."  I don't want her there.  She bothers me, I don't like my own mother at all.  I know she is just going to cause me undue stress and probably stop my labor.  Then with all this shit, its obvious her and my aunt are talking like "hmmm how can we convince her to go to the hospital."   Whats worse, my mother (who wants to be there in case something goes wrong) KNOWS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about birth. Let alone natural birth. Let alone "emergency" natural birth.  What the Hell would she do if something went wrong?

And see... all she does is cause stress and put these negative thoughts and feelings in my mind and I despise her for it.  I, at this point, wish I never would have told her.  I could've lied and said "yea I'm going to the same hospital as I did with Bianca" I could have forgone ALL this stress she is causing by one tiny lie.    What was I thinking?!  So, plain and simply, when I go into labor, I am not calling her.  She keeps inviting herself, she was never invited by me!  I played with the idea for afew days of letting her be there, but it is obvious her true intentions!  No one is getting any calls or emails from me until this baby is in my arms!  

I know my ranting journals are so cluttered and senseless.  I apologize for that! When I'm mad my thoughts pour out of my fingers, and if they don't make sense... oops!

Tags: birthing kit, home birth, annoying mother

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