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My biggest leap of faith
- Jun 21, 2008 at 6:43 AM
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So today's post asks what your biggest leap of faith ever was. I almost let this one pass by, knowing that my leap of faith is a deeply personal one to me. But, something inside me said this was a safe place to share, and get it off my chest, so here I go...
My biggest leap of faith came when I was sixteen years old. Well actually it came twice that year. You see my bipolar mother had thrown me out of the house again, & instead of begging to be let back in, I decided enough of the beatings & torment. I was OUT OF THERE! But wait, I had no where to go. OK, down to the local park I went to sit & think for a while. Well, by chance, there was my Dad. Now I hadn't seen him since I was 11. When he & my mom split up, he decided to get back at her by raping me. So it had been years, but I was desperate. I approached him & his new wife & asked if I could stay with them. There...I did it, I asked to live with the man who had taken so much from me. I took what was to be my first leap of faith by trusting him to treat me well. Anyways...moving on with my story....I moved in with them. Which was ironically just 10 minutes from where I had been living all this time with my mom, brother & sister. I liked having more freedom and I liked living so close to my siblings so I could check on them. I was even developing a relationship with my step-mom & my father. Things were going very well. You could say I was having the summer of my life! So coming home from work one day I was surprised to see my Dad home. It was the middle of the day after-all. He looked very upset. He asked me to sit down and talk to him. He said (and I will never forget these words),"I have been wondering who these boys are that have been calling the house. I am afraid that you are sexually active. I am going to have to inspect you. Go into my bedroom, take down your shorts & panties & let me examine you. If you are stretched out I will know you have been having sex." OH MY GOD!!!!!! This is happening again! I had the whole feeling of a cold sweat wash over me, I was paralyzed again! JUST LIKE BEFORE! As he got up to go into his room to "prepare" for me, I had literally a million things running through my mind. But the most prevalent was...HE IS NOT DOING THIS TO ME AGAIN! So I got up, in my tank top, shorts & bare feet, & I ran for the front door. I opened that door (which BTW was locked & dead-bolted & chained by him) and I ran outside. I went down the steps and started up the street. And then...I heard footsteps behind me. I *knew* it was him. That was it! I had had enough of this shit from him! I took what was to be my second leap of faith, & I trusted all of my strength I had. I stopped running, turned around, & looked him dead in the eye. I said," I know who you are and what you do. I know the filthy secret things about you that nobody else does. Now turn your fat ass around and get back in that house & leave me alone, or I will stand here on this street and scream to the world what a pig you are!" And, he turned around and went back in his house. I did it! I trusted my own strength & stood up for myself! I saved myself from what was bound to be another horrible experience.
So the moral of my tale is, trust in your own strength, and take that leap of faith. You are stronger than you think you are! And this has been my leap of faith today, telling my story.
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- MSugarKane
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