My thoughts on unassisted birth

[christinamarie]

I posted this here, as a suggestion from Emily, after writing this post in Birth Unhindered. She was sharing her thoughts on uc, and that got me to thinking, and this post was the result. There is nothing quite like the experience of birth! And I still have 30-odd weeks more to go until my 5th birth.

UC will be a much different topic once you experience it. I never freaked out in transition. In fact, that's when I get calmer. The freak-outs and the getting upset with others, only happens when you have others to get upset at. I know from my hospital birth to my uc's, in comparison, that I got upset in the hospital in transition, because I couldn't get off the damn bed, that's never happend at home.

I admit, I've never had long labors (longest was 6 hrs for my hospital birth), but I've always summed it up to the fact that I they *were* uc's and that's why it all went so smoothly. Not all births do, and I have known women who uc'd and it still got tough, but actually the ones that come to mind, had mw friends, and they sort of ended up calling them and getting emotional/medical support from them, so I guess because of that, they ended up not having the entire mental aspect of uc in mind and that hesitation in trusting their own instincts is what delayed things. I also keep thinking that I just might be pushing my luck with all these great labors and births and I'm going to be in for a doozy next time. I think I told Jenna about that personal cosmic joke I see happening on myself. But I also used to wonder because I got told by people that knew me that I had these "easy" births because my babies were smaller (6-7lbs). So...it was so reassuring with my last birth when he turned out to be over 9lbs, big head, long, posterior, nuchal cord, etc to realize that the length of labor was the same (2 hrs), and only the posterior birth made my back freeze up before crowning - but hey! I still did it, and it turned out the same. No tears, no freak outs, no longer labors, a variation of my other births, but end result in ease the same.

The reason I believe in uc is because I've seen it work for me, I remember the first birth and the amazing rush and empowerment I felt afterwards. I realized that I didn't need anything or anyone else to give birth. And I never chose it because I had issues with being upset at the medical establishment. I chose it because it made sense to me. It just was like a light-bulb moment where I realized that yeah, it's not just home birth I'm looking for, it's that BIRTH IS NATURE. It is a normal function, and if birth was not meant to be done uc then why would (insert deity or existance into being of choice) create a species that would not be able to do this without trained support/trained personnel? We would simply die out if it didn't work in it's raw and basic function. And work well.

I don't like what the medical establishment does to other women, or that I couldn't have the birth I wanted because I tried to birth in a hospital, when in fact, my ideal birth is a uc. That isn't the medical establishments fault on that one, that's my own naivety on not learning more about birth and investigating what was outside of the insurance companies and hospitals/birthing centers. There are many women who are angry at the system and they rebel by choosing uc, but there are just as many that are at peace with themselves and their body, and birth, and that is why they choose uc.

I do think acceptance of fate is a good way to phrase it. UC in itself is the utmost of responsibility towards yourself and your child. When people state that uc'ers are irresponsible, it's laughable, because that shows the bottom line not getting through. To UC you are taking THE responsibility that others put on mw's and ob's. You are stating that you are choosing to be responsible for your child entering this world. I think that's a wonderful, and very awesome way to show yourself as a mother. Will everyone who uc's accept death if it happens? Yes, there are parents that will not choose life-saving techinques, and then there are some that will. Not everyone has to be an extremist of accepting fate to understand and accept the huge responsibility and go through with birth in uc. I don't go to doctors most of the time, not because I hate them, but because I'm more of DIY person. If I'm feeling sick I research my symptoms if I need to, and I use herbs and natural methods of dealing with it. If I want to have bookshelves in my hallway, I go to the lumber store and get wood cut, sand it, stain it, and install them on the wall. I like having things come the easy way too, but most of the time, I'm not shy to figure out things and get it done.

I will disagree that women will be unable to deal with the psychological aspect of labor in a uc environment. It's the entire point of uc'ing to me. Without the mental/emotional distractions of others during labor and birth, one does not have a tendancy to "freak out", get upset, etc. It's the interruption itself, whether by family, friends, midwives, medical personnel, etc. Not a husband I mean, but if he's the kind of guy that keeps bugging you, worrying, then yes, I mean him too. By letting yourself go into yourself, a woman is able to deal with the pain/sensations and situation without fear setting in or thinking, for just one second, that you need to ask someone else to help you out, or complain to them about how you can't do it anymore. There is usually a one second time during each birth, before the head crowns, that I stop and think, "I can't do this!" and then I get back inside myself, and leave reality behind and that thoughts gone and I'm back to birthing. Does it sound all hokey? Maybe. But birth I've found, is really like transcending into a different place, when I've uc'd. If you read my birth stories, you'll see what I mean.

I believe that women are instinctually built and programmed to cope with labor and birth (without distractions removing that instinct) and excel at it. It would defeat the point of Nature to have a species that is designed to birth and then be unable to deal with it without help. Nature could not depend on the fact that any said woman would have help during the birth experience, so that's just a factor of society expecting women to need help because so much belief is based on cultures or religions in presenting that labor and birth are "trials". They are in a way, but not one that a woman cannot journey herself. Coming out of it and triumphing is what gives a woman a great respect of herself as a new mother.

Some women uc'ers that I've known have loved to have many friends there, but for me, I like just dh and the kids. The kids aren't usually too involved, and they certainly aren't going to try to suggest things to me that will irrirate me during labor/birth. My husband has turned out to be a wonderful labor/birth support for me. If he wasn't, I'd likely have a much different view on birth or at least my experiences would be different. He is so non-obtrusive, and always seems to know what I do need, and what I don't. He cleans up afterwards and then it's just all of us to hang out. This is how I like it. (clean up doesn't take long either, 10 min. tops, so it's not a big deal in thinking of "who's going to pamper us?") Some women really like pampering after birth, but I really like to be left alone. I like DH there to take care of me, but not moreso care than I want any other time like during pg for example. I think that if I had too many friends around, my labors would be longer, and my births would be different. I know myself on this, and this is why. It's not because I'm unsocial, it's just because I feel that my births are private and I want to share them with my best friend, who was my best friend before we ever feel in love, and before we got married, and who still is, even 4 1/2 kids later, and 11 years down the road. When I have free time during the week, I want to hang out with him and the kids, not girlfriends. So, I guess that's why I choose him and not friends to have around. That's just me. Others are different. And that's OK. I just think it's important to remember that the more people, the more distraction, and that could be a hinderance or it could not be.

Some women I've known have solo uc'd. I've never felt the need to do that, but I realize that for some, that experience is special to them. And sometimes it just happens without them planning it.

UC appears to be growing, which is a good thing, and which could also make it a fad I guess. But the more people that give it a thought, the more the thought is out there that birth is NOT a medical event by Nature. It's just another phase of a woman's life, and another bodily function when you get right down to it. It just happens to be a really beautiful, very intimate, and can be an empowering event as well. Very much like making love, but it's the ultimate climatic event to making love, which is what makes it so meaningful as well.

Through birth, we find out what kind of person we are. That is why I think it's so important for women to be allowed that and not have it taken away. But women need to want this for them to get there. It is an amazing time of our lives as women, to be in our child-bearing years, and to be in the "full moon" phase of our lives. I love being able to embrace it as much as possible as it's taught me so much about who I am, and what I really care about and believe in; On my journey through pregnancies, births, and motherhood.

[JensJulyBoy05]

Jun. 25, 2008 at 12:59 AM

That was wonderful. I loved it. Thank you so much for sharing that.

I thought the statement below was beautiful and worth repeating. I cherish this time so much and I think every woman should. 

It is an amazing time of our lives as women, to be in our child-bearing years, and to be in the "full moon" phase of our lives.

[jennapowell]

Jun. 26, 2008 at 3:54 AM I loved it too! thanks for sharing this Christina....so very inspiring.

[NiceChupacabra]

Jul. 3, 2008 at 2:32 AM

Great entry!  I love the idea of a UC... I'm not brave enough yet... I have a midwife for my homebirth BUT of my research I have found her to be the most "hands off" of all the midwives I interviewed.
Maybe for my next birth I'll do UC.  I truly do admire UC'ers!!!

[mbmomof3]

Jul. 11, 2008 at 7:17 PM

that was so great to read!  I hope you keep it here so I can come back when I'm pregnant and find inspiration for my UC :)

[Naturalmomto3]

Jul. 23, 2008 at 1:20 PM

Very well put!

[Imamom4sure]

Apr. 30, 2009 at 8:48 PM

  I totally agree with you!  Btw, I'm glad that you have short labors!  Mine are long but they are MINE!

(I will never let a birth professional steal my births again)