Random Thoughts, no need to read

[gracie_ii]

So i was making the bed the other day after I had just finished washing the linens, and I was sprawled out across the bed trying to get the fitted sheet just where I wanted, and it hit me.  I feel like I've woken up from a bad dream...not scary, mind you, just sad.  I've struggled with depression for years, even since before the postpartum.  But I could always function fine.  I guess for the last year or so I've been in this slump that I didn't realize because I've always been able get out of bed and do what HAD to be done.  Last week I woke up and looked around, and a realized what a train wreck my house had become.  I mean the house wasn't nasty enough that CPS would take my kids, they always ate food on time for every meal, and I always made sure they had clean clothes.  But I still wasn't myself.  I went through everyday with a lackluster the likes of which I never ever realized I had.  Sure I met with friends, I laughed, I smiled, I was kind of happy....but there was that terrible hollow feeling which I think truly deprived me of all the joy I was really having. 

  Then I just woke up, I don't know how, or why but I did.  I opened my eyes one morning and the sun wasn't even shining, but things looked a lot more beautiful than I had seen in a long time.  Then I saw my room....HOLY CRAP, my house is a train wreck!  Where the hell have I been!?!  Ever since then I've been on a mission to get my house back up to the normally higher standards I have.  I have been deep cleaning every room one by one, till  it's clean enough that I'm not grossed out by looking at it.  I've finished about 5 rooms in 2 weeks, slow but steady progress.....at least it's progress. 

 If you actually read this whole thing, thank you!  The pic is a rose from my garden, I guess it's my way of sharing the beauty I'm just starting to see again.  

[arielbellesmom]

Jun. 25, 2008 at 9:00 PM I'm glad to hear that you found your way out of the darkest!! I hope I can do the same(: BTW awesome job on your house. Can't wait to see it and great job on the garden!!

[Valleylily]

Jun. 25, 2008 at 9:06 PM What a beautiful rose and a wonderful symbol.  I'm glad you're starting to see beauty in life again.

[annamomof2]

Jun. 25, 2008 at 9:08 PM awww, your so cute! i want to come over and see your awesome new laundry room!!

[Mommygrimm]

Jun. 25, 2008 at 9:17 PM Oh man straight from my own brain !!!!! I feel the same way most of the time . The weather dosnt help me much but I'm learning to look on the " bright side " of things so to speak. I'm glad things are looking up for you . Kudos to you Grace .

[marie111594]

Jun. 25, 2008 at 9:37 PM Beautiful rose...Thanks for sharing it! I too suffer from depression (along with Bi-polar) and have just recently had a "waking up" moment! Spring cleaning is in full force at my house too!