I'm not sure if I've mentioned it in other posts but my oldest who is 7 (she'll be 8 very soon) lives with my mom right now. I spend time with her all the time and while there was school she came over after school on Friday and then went back to my mom's Sunday night and then during the week I would call and talk to her or if my SO wasn't working early in the morning I would go over before school and have coffee with my mom and get to see Hailey onto the bus. Anyway now that it's summer she's basically here all the time - I have a bedroom for her and I'm ready for her to come home but we're just being cautious (I'm a recovering addict and have 17 months sober from anything) and technically that's not that long. So about 3 months ago Hailey's father called my mom who of course has had the same phone number since I was 8. And he talked with her giving her a big speech about how he's thought of Hailey a lot lately but has been hesitant to call but he's doing good blah blah blah. Now he has not tried to see or seen his daughter in 5 yes 5 years. I haven't seen him either and he basically disappeared on us so him calling was a real shock to me. It was hard because I admit I don't have closure when it comes to him - he was my first boyfriend and we were together 3 years and had a baby when I was 19. Basically 18 because I delivered 3 days after I turned 19. It was a very unhealthy relationship on both sides. But my mom agreed to let Hailey talk to him on the phone and they did and of course she was excited as could be. And he continued to call every couple days for like 2 weeks and then my mom let him come over to her house and visit Hailey (now he has a girlfriend and a daughter I don't know how old but we all thought it best to leave that alone for the time being and then when things progressed tell Hailey) So he came over by himself and my daughter had a ball. He brought her to Toys R Us and bought her a new bike and visited from like 10am to 4pm just playing with her. So of course it looked to my mom like he was superdad and I had to hear from her how oh when he was around he was a good father. It was unreal how would she even know? And by the way in that 2 years he was more concerned on how to get ahold of my money (yeah he couldn't hold a job longer than 2 weeks) and take off to hang with his boys. It's funny how my mom doesn't remember babysitting at night while I worked because I couldn't leave her with him because I didn't trust him with her at all & she was sleeping. Anyway so they visited every other Saturday and it amounted to probably like 4 visits I would say then the last week of May thru the 1st week of June they went on vacation to Aruba (my mom and stuff.) So as soon as Hailey gets home she calls her dad - no answer she leaves a message. No calls back then fathers day comes she makes 3 cards, one for my boyfriend and sons father who she loves and calls daddy, one for her "real dad" as she says, and one for my step-dad. She calls the Saturday before nothing and she's been calling ever since. I don't know how many messages she's left. I'd bet more than we know of because she gets ahold of the phone when my moms out. And she's so cute I remember once my ringer was off and she called just twice and the second time she was like mom pleeeeaaaase call me back I really want to talk to you. Thankfully I got that message right away but can u imagine him hearing that and what just deleting it? I knew this was gonna happen I had a freakin feeling right from the get go when I was told of his very first phone call.

So Hailey calls yesterday and says mom I'm not gonna see my real dad anymore, & of course I'm like "your not how come?" and she says because I've been calling and calling every since Aruba (and this is when her voice breaks and so doesn't my heart) and he's never calling me back and I don't know why. So of course I did my best to try and make her feel better. I got off the phone with her and I cried but you know I wasn't angry with him I was just so sad, it was like my heart felt sooo heavy. I don't think I've felt like that before. And with what I put her thru having her live with my mom (it was the best decision at the time, I need to go get help) but poor thing felt abandoned my her mom and I told my mom you know she's been thru enough - more than enough- - thanks to me she doesn't need to be put thru anymore and I mentioned this happening and of course we couldn't predict the future at the time but something inside me knew. I knew he couldn't have changed all that much. What sucks is the same crap happened with me and my birth father and it does have an effect on you while you grow and even as an adult. She's such a strong little girl who shouldn't need to be.

Add A Comment


Jun. 26, 2008 at 4:05 PM Just keep loving your little girl and make sure she knows she is loved so much by all of you, it's gonna hurt you know b/c it happened to you.  Just be there for her and be strong you can do it. sending you lovexoxoxoxokary

Message Friend Invite

Jun. 27, 2008 at 10:31 AM

I agree with what Kary said.  My heart is breaking for your little girl.  But, she does have you and your love, as well as your mom.  I'm sending big (((hugs))) to all of you.

Message Friend Invite

Jun. 28, 2008 at 1:57 AM

Oh Hun! How terrible! What an A$$Hole! Poor thing...

He doesn't deserve to be in the little sweetheart's life. Just let her know how much she is loved & that it is him who is losing.... not her


Message Friend Invite

Sep. 11, 2008 at 10:36 PM

Do you know the difference in a father and a Dad. A father is a gene donor and a Dad is a love donor. My DD told me this. She went thru the same thing with her fater. I made sure she knew how much I loved her and that I would support her if she ever decided to see him again. Last Christmas we ran into him at the local mall, she(she is 20 now) walked up to him and ask him if he knew who she was. When he said no, She cused him like a drunken sailor(I did not teach her this but it was years of pinned up frustration). When she was done she grabbed my are and said 'come on parent that loves and supports me'. She received a message from him on myspace saying she had hurt his feeling and he needed to talk to her. She blocked him so he can not message her again. I guess what I am trying to say is give her all of the love and support you can and let her know you will be there. She has a rough road ahead of her and will need you.

Message Friend Invite

Want to leave a comment and join the discussion?

Sign up for CafeMom!

Already a member? Click here to log in