It's funny what can change and happen in a year. How happy you can end up being, even when you think there will never be light in your life again.

Last year at this time I was with Toph, spending every weekend up at the lake, loving my job in management and thriving off of parenting Jorryn.

Now only one of those factors is still true. Jorryn. He, of course, is always the constant in my life.

Last night we had the big talk about why he has to spend time with his dad. He has made several comments lately as Dale's time with him grows fewer and far between. The other night he asked me at bedtime if I thought his dad "even missed him." What a heavy load for such a small person to carry. I explained to him that sometimes moms and dads don't get along and a special person called a judge helps decide how much time is best for the kids to spend with each parent and so that's  why he goes over to his dads house. He told me that the judge had made the wrong choice. Esh. How do I politely say I agree? I can't. I can only show him my love and devotion every moment and hope it's enough.

He's been acting out a lot lately and I have determined this between two factors. First, Dale has been less and less consistent in Jorryn's life. Second, Jorryn has been playing with my younger brother who has downs syndrome and lots of attitude problems. Jorryn told me his feelings are hurt by how Jed plays with him, but furthermore he ends up adopting many of Jed's attitude problems. [Making faces, saying he hates you or wants to hurt you, etc.] It's been painful to deal with. I feel at this point, it would be better off for Dale to step out completely instead of popping up once in a while. Also, I had to have a discussion with my mom and dad about Jed and Jorryn playing together. My parents have consistently not disciplined my brother because they feel it's not fair to discipline someone with a handicap. As a result, Jed is a unruly 12 year old with no self control. I'm not going to have Jorryn hurt by that behavior or starting USING that behavior.

It's been an odd week. I have never been happier.. we're settled in and content. When Jorryn is home, he's excellent.. really only acting out after he spends time with my parents and Jed. I feel like I'm finally settled. I miss my old job, but I'm thankful for the employment I have and that it's not a job I hate. I'm so blessed with my boys and their unconditional love and patience towards me. So while I have learned and grown this week, I've also been blessed to be secure in the love I have around me.

But did I mention how glad I am that it's Friday???

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