Here's the low-down...

[michelesmouse]

I have been offline for a while...as it has been pretty crazy over here. We fell behind financially at the beginning of the year and it has been pretty much an uphill battle. Tho' my DH has allot of work lined up...pay is half hat he wa making just a year and a half ago. He is a General Contractor...and it's been pretty competitive for work out here. His truck got repossessed the other week and so I have been shuttling him back and forth to work, along with the kids...Chloe has her math intensive Summer Classes at her new school for half the day, along with Cello lessons...Penny goes to Pre-School for part of the day...along with the grocery shopping ( I go to several different markets in order to take advantage of sales and better prices), and other general errands....so I have been the stereotypical TAXI mom. We are hoping to have the money to get the truck out by this weekend. Thank Goodness!

I just found out I have a learning disability. It explains alot...especially growing up. I had always done very well in school with the exception of my Math and Science classes. I studied hard, and had tutors...but nothing I did helped. Because I struggled so hard with those subjects I steered clear of them and chose to devote my time to something else, even tho' I always secretly loved Science and Math...how ionic HUH?....So after the last chapter of my life closed, and i opened another...I decided to pursue an old passion Science. I felt that I could now face my fear,and pursue something I had always wanted to do. I went back to school just last Sem. and dove back into Math...and completely screwed up. But in doing so I was able to see a pattern...patterns in what I was doing wrong, and things were not making sense. I realized that I have always switched symbols, switched numbers, had problems with symbols, and left and right...I understood the formulations and the material, but was having problems with my output. Input was right on output was screwed up. I noticed that I knew the formulas and sequences, but that somewhere in my calculations I would either switch numbers or symbols, flip them around and in turn get the answers wrong...I did not miss one class, did every homework assignment...just royally screwed up on most of the tests. It did not help that my instructor expected that we "teach ourselves" and was just there to guide us, and answer questions...and it did not help that he made me feel stupid every-time I asked him for help. At any rate...because of all of this...I was able to get diagnosed and now have to figure out how I am going to overcome this...keeping in mind my chosen field of study. I have to repeat the class...unfortuanately, but hopefully this time around I will do better. My friend tells me that they can modify some of the classes around my learning disability...that would really help....she says they did it for her friend who just graduated UCLA Med school with honors at 42...she has a learning disability too, is a mother of two, and is fabulous. She is now my new Role Model. My Dh is baffled at why I am choosing to keep going with it if is going to be so difficult...I told him it's because I want to...lol....I had always thought that Dyslexia was just a reading and writing problem...if I had known when I was younger it would have saved me alot of frustration and feelings of inadequacy.

So I have been dealing with the crazy finances, my new found learning disability, being an even more taxed TAXI....and my daughter has just told me that she is embarrassed of us...UGH...

She been hanging out with friends who are affluent, and belong to country clubs...and the like...and apparently because we are financially struggling, have no "House", a beater of a car...ect...we suck. I try to tell her that it could be worse, and it has been...remind her that that is why she needs to do well in school and go to college....that she has a chance to set herself up for the future, and if she wants those things then she needs to work towards them. I tell her that we came from very humble beginnings, and that we are working at trying to provide a better life for her. She is just too young to understand, and I realize that. I also take comfort in the fact that when school starts in Sept. she will be with kids who are more "like us" financially, as her school is extremely, thankfully diverse.

 So, that's everything in a nutshell...I do see a light at the end of the tunnel, and things are getting better. So I am not so sad anymore, thank you for your nice words...I love my friends on CM. You all rock! We are going to visit my In-laws up in Santa Cruz from the 3rd-5th....and I am sooo looking forward to the trip. They have the best fireworks display at the pier near my In-laws, and I know my MIL will watch the kids for a night so my DH and I can have an evening together alone...finally!!! YAY!

[sunshine_619]

Jun. 27, 2008 at 3:05 PM oh, doll face, that sucks so hard for you.  I have been where you are, car repossessed, and all.  I have even wondered how the hell can I buy groceries.  I understand about your daughter.  My daughter is in the same situation to an extent.  We have always put her in nicer schools than the neighborhood we could afford, thus getting kids with more money, mostly.  Even now in AZ, we have a really nice house, we drive decent cars, and yet she has still managed to make all these rich friends.  They sometimes make comments that make me feel crappy, like one said to her "Jordan, how are parents going to afford braces when they can't even always afford to take you shopping?"  Mind you, she has no shortage in the cute ass clothes department, I just don't take her for whatever she wants, whenever she wants.  Oh I need to shut up, because this is about you.  You hang in there and be good to yourself, you will make it through this just fine.  Muah!

[kidsRfirst]

Jun. 27, 2008 at 3:26 PM

Even with all you are going through, I can see what a positive soul you are!  You are absolutely an incredible person with an amazing spirit!  Your kids and your husband are lucky to have you in their lives. 

[elinabelle]

Jun. 27, 2008 at 4:03 PM Hey - You ROCK too...at the risk of sounding too cheesy!  Everyone goes through stuff; there is nothing to be ashamed about.  Take care and hope you have a great time in Santa Cruz

[shebop]

Jun. 27, 2008 at 6:58 PM Whew! You are going through a lot! I'm always amazed by your spirit though! So many people would have given up their dream of being in math and science long ago if they had to struggle through a learning disability like you have. And I'm still recovering from financial difficulties from 2005 so I know where you're coming from with the money woes. With a new baby on the way, I'm going to have to pinch every penny even though my husband is pretty stable right now. But we are by no means wealthy. As for your daughter, she will come to realize the struggles you've went through and be so very proud of you for it. You'll keep it together! You're a tough pinay! There's really no other way we can be! HUGS!!!

[momofsixangels]

Jun. 27, 2008 at 8:27 PM Ok Breath!!!!!!!! You have and are going through so much!!!!! I know what your DD is going through.My kids arent ashamed about our falling apart house,being on food stamps and car,but I am.I am glad you discovered your learning disability b/c now you know whats going on.I know you will get through this!!!!!! Think positive.I swear it really does help.First thing when you get up is smile.I know you might not feel like it but do it!!!! It will help start your day.Love ya and sending you tons of hugs!!!!!

[goldmother]

Jun. 29, 2008 at 2:23 PM Chin up young woman! Sounds like you've had a lot to deal with! I'm so in awe of the fact that you're taking classes with all you have on your plate to begin with. Whats even more impressive is that you're not letting the bumps along the way stop you. Your kids will come around. I went through the same thing with my older kids. They always come back to Mama in the end. And no matter what they say, you're their hero.