Well, since the part 1 of this "series," I have been talking to J every day.  We went out on Friday and had a wonderful time.  He is a wonderfully sensitive man, and I consider myself blessed to have become reconnected with him.  Since we have been talking, he has expressed to me how happy and blessed he feels to have me back in his life.  He is divorced after a 6 year marriage.  He lives by himself, in public housing unfortunately (like where he grew up) and works EVERY DAY like most normal people.  He doesn't make a ton of money but does well for himself.  J has been telling me amazing things about how much I inspired him to be more and do more and want more for himself.  He's told me that I never left his thoughts and his heart and that he regrets ever having lost touch with me. 

J and I were good friends. We had great times together.  He was incredibly loyal and faithful even as a teenager.  He always did things for me and never expected anything in return.  He took care of his mother then and does so even more now.  J compliments me and sends me poetic text messages everyday.  J tells me things like "I appreciate you.  You're worthy. You deserve to be treated like this."  He has opened himself up to hear about my experiences with DV and has been nothing but an excellent sounding board for me.  I've told him already more than I thought I could or would and he hasn't changed him tune a bit.  

Add to this, he has a relationship with God that he is trying to develop and grow.  He absolutely adores me, even opens doors for me, listens to me with open ears and an open heart, gives heartfealt, Godly advice, and get this, prays with me!  I can't even get this through my head.  I asked him to pray with me one night and the tears just feel like rain from the both of us. I just felt like God was telling me that we needed to share that experience sooner rather than later. There are several things that I don't know if they are wrong or that I am being cautious about with this new/old friendship.  

1)  I am trying to take this very slowly.  Trying. The feelings that he has for me are pretty strong.  I can't say that I have those feelings for him now since I am still fresh out of my marriage and not even really done with it as far as the divorce.  But I do know that I do not desire to be with my husband ever again.  I want to be fully available and present for the next person that God places in my life.  

2) J is a Jehovah's Witness.  I do not know much about about the, but I really want to know more.  I don't want to discount him because we are not of the same religious background.  It seems like there are a lot of things that we believe that are the same, so I am trying to see what the fundamental differences are between our faiths.  This is a really important thing for me as I did not share the same religious belifes with my STBX. Well, he really had no beliefs except that there is a God!  Beyond that, is him against the world.

3 ) I keep wanting to have him meet my son.  I am not going to until I feel really ready but I am curious to see how they interact with each other.  Trust me, I will wait!  

4) My family.  In the event that J and I become more than friends again, my family I don not think will approve solely on the basis of where he lives, the fact that he did not go to college, and that he doesn't make a ton of money.   I understand that I have to remember that if this does become more of a relationship that the relationship is with him and not my family.  But I still have them chirping in the background.  Even when we went out the other night, my aunt was fishing for info on him and I was like, give me a break!  I'm not marrying the dude!  I don't know what God's purpose is for replanting someone like him in my life at this time.  I wish I knew.  

I told my counselor about this and she told me this simple thing--just have fun!  I am trying not to be self-conscious or stress about it and do just that.  I really can be myself and relax with him. I just have to learn how to do that again.  When I talk to him or when I am with him, everything is about me.  Whatever I want to do or whereever I want to go, it's all about me.  I am so unaccustomed to that.  J tells me to get used to it.  He says that he is not leaving again.  

J is the type of person that if I were to one day say that I didn't want to date him, he would still be my friend with no hard feelings.  He would be hurt of course but he would not act anyway close to the way my STBX is acting.  I know that.  Even though I haven't been in contact with J for all these years, he has not changed his heart.  But at the same time, I do not want to hurt him.  I don't know if God wants this for me, so I don't want to mess it up if it is.  So, I will try to just have fun, enjoy the praise and adoration he lavishes upon me daily, relax in his presence, and allow him to pray with me and for me.  

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