Have you ever had someone in your life that hurt you so badly that you decided to never speak to them again? Well if you have then you can understand where I am coming from. I haven't spoke with my father since my mom, my brother, and I ran from him to stay and stayed in a womans shelter to get away from him back when I was 17 years old. This was right before my mom filed for a divorce after enduring 18 years of misery to a man that was mentally and physically abusive not only to my mom but to my brother and myself. He did horrible things in the past, and our home was never a safe heaven, it was always in constant termoil, never knowing what kind of mood my bipolar/unmedicated father would be in. The best word to describe it would be hell.

I can't honestly say that I have missed him, but I can say that I have always longed for a daughter/father relationship that I always knew I could never have because he is not the father he should be or has the ability to be.

Until recently I was fine with having nothing to do with him, I was going on with life as usual, raising my two awesome little boys, and enjoying watching them have a terrific childhood with a mom that loves them dearly and an awesome dad that would turn the world upside down for them if nescessary.

But lately I have been doing some soul searching and re-evaluating my life with some help of a minister friend of mine and have decided to confront my father about the past and how he treated my family and myself. This is something that is not easy for me and I have had many sleepless nights and done plenty of praying and crying over it. But I feel that God is wanting me to go back to my father and let him know how I feel and let him know that I have found it in my heart to forgive him.

Even though confronting him is something I feel I need to do to help myself, it's also very hard and scary to do. This man hurt me so badly that it effects my life in everyway today. I have troubles with self confidence, disciplining my kids, I'm on medication for depression, and it's hard for me to trust people. I just want him to know that what he did to me and my family wasn't right but because of what he put me through I am a stronger and wiser person. I want him to know that I forgive him, but will never forget how I was treated as a child, or how bad it hurt. I really hope I am making the right choice in confronting him, I don't know exactly when I will do it, but it will be soon. In the mean time, I will continue to pray that God gives me the strength to love through the hurt and to find forgiveness in my heart.

Have any of you ladies experienced anything similiar? Do you feel I am doing the right thing?

Tags: pray, prayer, god, father, help, friends, advice, childhood, bipolar, sick, twisted, home, nightmare, moody, mood, daughter, life, live, relationship, hurt, abusive, abuse, mental, physical, hurting, crying, shame, sadness, sad, children, child, kids, mom, mothers, love, guilt, forgive, forgiveness, depression, depressed, confidence, disciplining, lord, bible, teaching, soul, bad, choice, dad, family, brothers, shelter, safe, save

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