Questions about homeschooling, ODD, and ADHD...

[KajunMom]

My  youngest was set to start Pre-K 4 in August.  I had been regretting the decision thinking that he was not ready for school, and knowing that school is not ready for him.  I thought maybe I was just upset about the thought of my last child "leaving" me.  But I couldn't shake the dread.  So, I signed him up for t-ball to see how he would react to authority figures as well as other kids.  Needless to say, t-ball did not go well.  He was his usual defiant self.  He refused to listen to the coaches, threw fits, and got physical with kids and coaches alike.  And, the coaches child, who is also very....very bad told my son that he was not allowed to play with him because he was a horrible kid.  Now a 3 year old doesn't come up with that, meaning his parent, the coach is bad mouthing my son, and of course that pissed me off, so I told he coach what I thought of him and pulled my kid off the team.  The whole ordeal was making me really want to keep him home another year.  I wanted some help, so made a doctors appt.  Before I get into what was said, let me say that everyone just assumes that I exaggerate his behavior, or that he acts like all kids act, or he'll outgrow it.  I think it's more.  He is completely out of control.  He does not listen, I mean at all!  Not like other kids.  He is so defiant that he does whatever he wants and does it while you are punishing him.  He cannot be taken out in public.  When I have to take him, he screams, kicks, throws items off shelves, hits people we pass, runs away from me, and does anything else you can imagine.  He kicks, hits, punches, bites, and scratches when he doesn't get his way.  He purposely breaks things and does things that he knows are wrong or that annoy others just to see the reaction I guess.  He purposely spills drinks onto my furniture and truck.  No one will babysit, not even my own mother.  He controls every aspect of my life.  If my hubby cannot be home, then I can't go to the store, the doctor, the dentist, the other kids ballgames, birthday parties, nothing,  Twice he has unlocked the door and run straight into the street.   He has had four black-eyes, and had stitches from running smack into a stainless steel veterinary table.  He has punched his brother in the face with a car causing a nosebleed, and just yesterday hit a kid in the face with a bat.  Despite all this, of course, I adore him and think he is quite possibly the smartest person I know.  So the doctor has stated what I already thought....he is not ready for school (he would be labeled and probably get nothing from it) and he probably has ADHD and ODD.  Her advice was to go to a 10 week parent/child training course, start a psychiatry treatment program a Children's Hospital, see a private therapist, and home-school him at least until next year.  She truly believes he has a chemical imbalance and that he cannot help himself.  I have started trying to get most of these things started.  I have made appointments with Children's and with a therapist and as soon as he turns 4 we can do the class.  But I have no idea where to begin to go with the homeschooling.  There are so many websites, and frankly I am so overwhelmed right now, that I don't know left from right.  Please anyone who has a child with these issues, I need help.  I have two other kids that I feel are suffering, plus I feel like I am losing my baby to the point where I won't get him back. 

[bassoonist22]

Jun. 29, 2008 at 11:07 PM

Hey Kajun,

I am a teacher and we occasionally see kiddos that are making their moms similarly miserable.  While in one case it became clear that it was the family situation making the poor kid crazy, in every other case I have seen, it has nothing to do with how wonderful their parents are!  (because they do have wonderful parents)

I would definitely go forward with some medical help, it will help you (and the school when he goes) deal with the situation better.  While you are there, ask for school recommendations.  I am afraid my girl is bi-polar and thankfully, as a teacher, I get to choose which middle school to send her to.  And there is one she definitely will NOT be attending.  Some administrators are better at dealing with these kids than others, and honestly, it all has to do with whether the administrator wants to help a child out of this daily crisis mode (they love their kids) and those who see the children in these daily crisises as an obstacle to their image and career. 

Once he does attend a pre-K or school program, no one will think you are exaggerating any more.  I once felt the same way also.  Your poor kiddo is probably just as miserable as you are about the whole situation.  They don't like being out of control, it scares them.

I wish you and your family the best of luck - your boy already is lucky, sounds like he has a great mom!