Last night my husband Tim took me out to dinner. It was a supposed to be a special treat celebrating a big job that he just finished at work. We chose a nice restaurant, and walked inside. We went in the side door, so we passed the buffet with a long line of people. As we walked past I heard a woman say "Damn, that guy looks funny."
For a second I thought I heard it wrong, and I didn't have the chance to react. I was following our hostess, and I looked over at Tim. His face never changed, so I assumed he hadn't heard her. I didn't want to cause a scene, and like I said, it took a minute for my brain to process what my ears heard. I now feel bad for not doing or saying anything, but if Tim didn't hear what was said, I didn't want him to know about it, so I sat down and fumed silently.
This isn't the first time something like this has happened. Tim doesn't look like your average guy. He has Gigantism and Acromegaly (Andre the Giant), so he's very tall and a bit disproportioned. You'd be amazed at how rude people can when they see someone who doesn't look just like them.
When we first started dating Tim and I debated this issue. I was blinded by love, and I didn't think anyone thought any differently of him then I did. He challenged me to walk behind him at the carnival and just watch the people's faces. He said if I didn't walk next to him, and I pretended we weren't together, I would notice. Well I did. People stare, they point, and they actually tap their friends on the shoulder, stop them, point at Tim and laugh and make rude remarks. I can't tell you how furious this made me.
I also remember one time at an outdoor concert. We were walking along minding our own business when some punk kid walks by and says to his friend "Damn that guy has a big head. " I didn't hear it, but this time Tim did, and I think the kid caught him in the wrong mood. Tim is a "gentle giant" , but I think if I wouldn't have been there that day this guy would have had a fight on his hands.
The one thing I have to say about Tim is he's the kind of guy you want to know. There's nothing he wouldn't do for people. I can't tell you how many times we've been stopped when we were going somewhere, and someone has thanked him for helping them with their car, or he's picked them up when they were broke down somewhere. He's just the type of guy you instantly like because he has that kind of personality that you want to have around. He's smart, he's funny, and he just makes life happier. He's honestly the best husband and father I could ever ask for, and he has more friends then anyone I know.
I guess the whole point of this journal is listen to what your momma told you, and never judge a book by it's cover. I know it's cliche, but it's so true. People judge Tim, and they think he's just this big stupid guy. They make fun of him behind his back, and they think he doesn't notice. Well, I gotta say there's always someone who does notice, and when people do things like that they only make themselves look stupid.
Since we're all mother's here I really hope you guys aren't the ones I need to inform about respecting diversity. Do me a favor though and take a second to talk to your kids. Let them know that all people look different, and that that's okay. Talk to them about how it doesn't matter what you look like on the outside, but it's what's on the inside that really matters. It seems like such a simple thing, but unfortunately it's something many people seem to have forgotten about. If you want to help me spread the word, please vote this post popular.
The nicest guy in the world, my Tim:

***UPDATE***
When this post started getting attention I tried to go to each and every person who responded and say thank you. Well, needless to say, I've gotten a little behind.
I just wanted to say thank you to all who left a story or made a comment. Your kind words mean a lot. It's nice to know that for every mean, thoughtless person in the world, there are many good people too!!
I did let Tim read this post last night. He practically blushed at all the nice comments you ladies made about him! He did ask me why I never said anything at the restaurant after it happened. When I told him that I didn't want what that lady said to ruin our night, he said that whenever something like that happens, he just looks at me and his family, and he knows he has everything he could ever ask for. He doesn't let things like that get to him, and I guess that makes him a better person then me. :) Thanks again.
Melissa
Tags: diversity, respect, teaching, kids, different, looks, labeling people
I can not believe how rude people can be! but I will be honest, When I saw a photo of Tim in NDM, I looked twice. not because of how he looks but because I though his shoulder looked messed up. I was going to ask you about it but I didn't want to cause drama and since you haven't said anything about it I figured it was a normal thing for him.
Now it makes perfect sense! I feel bad for "judging" your husband but I would never say anything to his or your faces.
-Ariel
I really think they should teach children in schools about birth defects and what they look like, about how different people can be. Maybe then people would be more understanding when they see a giant, or a midget, or joined twins... or any one of the thousands of people who are born every day different from the rest. I think children should be taught to celebrate differences and a little understanding goes a long way.
But that woman in the restaurant who cracked the snide remark was an ADULT. There's no excusing that behavior. It makes me sad how ignorant so many people can be. She should have placed herself in his shoes for a moment before she opened her mouth.
I voted popular too
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Guinhyvar Jun. 30, 2008 at 1:07 PM