On the norm, I am not a complaining, whining kind of person.  I have made my share of mistakes and I don't need anyone reminding me of them.  I am the one who has to look myself in the mirror everyday and live with myself and my guilt.  No one else.  So WHY do some people have to keep adding on top of it?

I just want to be happy to live my life the way I have finally gotten to living.  I have said I am sorry more times than I can count, for the same things and yet, they won't forget, let go or forgive.  They love to remind me, it seems, every day.  They also like to make things worse.

This is cryptic, I know, but that's because I am generalizing because who wants to hear my long sob story?  I sure don't, and I'm the one who has made it!  i've had help tho.  I take my blame, but why can't they?  Why do they insist on poking at ME all the time when they had a fair share of the responsibilities in the events that happened as well??  I just don'[t want to hurt anymore!

My ex husband has turned 2 of my kids (i have 6) against me.  Ihave already talked to all of my children and asked their forgiveness for things in the past, I can't do anymore than that but to not make the same mistakes again.  My ex husband and his family just won't stop trying to make me out to be the bad person.  On the one hand, I know that I should just say, you know what, they are young, I have said my peace, so now I need to just be patient...on the other hand, I try to do that and something NEW comes up that I feel like I have to defend myself for!  I don't want to do that any longer!  I told my daughter (16) that obviously she is angry with me, and that until she CAN for give me then I can't convince her otherwise.  Her father hasn't been a father, he has been a buddy.  So he knows nothing of discipline, he just shows me up by giving them money...

I know none of this makes sense but I am just venting.  I know I am not the only one, but it's hard when you ARE one.  My soon to be hubby doesn't like cliches, "they are just a typical teenager" because he never was one, so there is no talking to him about it...I have no friends so it's hard to have anyone at all to talk to.  And anyway, who wants to listen to whining and crying all the time?  I don't want to even be a whiner and a cryer!  I want to be that strong woman who can just take it on the chin and smile when "silly" circumstances seem to be taking over my life.  But, then I think I wouldn't feel human...

Thanks for listening, it's all that's needed sometimes to help get through. 

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