How is it that a firefighter is brave enough to face fire, but not me?

[piggyfairy]

Back in the day, in the "honeymoon phase" he'd tell me he loved me all the time.....it was all hand holding, kissing, cuddling, all of that. Then I return the sentiment and he runs, saying he's not ready for a family.....

He insists that he still loves me, but can't commit right now because he "doesn't know where his life is going."

I ask him to leave me alone then, until he knows what it is that he wants, so I can go on with my life.  But he won't let go.....won't stop with the phone calls and text messages......

I ignore him, and ignore, and ignore some more.....finally, he tells me that I'm worth fighting for....tells me that he still loves me and wants to tell me to my face. He swings by for a couple of hours and doesn't say a word about that.

On a fire for 48 days now....texting and calling me when he can, updating me on the fire, asking me about my life. Of course, I'm not "allowed" to bring up the "us" topic because he'll get scared off again.....finally I ask him if there's ever going to be an "us" and he says "I don't know".....

Wow......he knew I had kids, he's my oldest sons godfather and he watched the birth of my second son. He knew me before I ever had kids....but he still came after me.

He hooks me, throws me back, catches me again, then leaves me there, in the water, but still on the line just in case he decides he wants to keep me.......so there I am, in the water, looking up.....and there he goes, doing whatever he wants to do while I hang in there.....barely surviving.....

Fish have feelings too......when will men understand that?  

[Jennifer7206]

Jul. 6, 2008 at 8:51 AM AWW momma, i know this kind of thing hurts so much.  I know you want to tell him, "just make a decision!"  one way or another.  Men seem so scared of commitment.  I hope he doesnt wait too long, the best thing that could happen to him, might just pass him by...

[NYCMama73]

Jul. 6, 2008 at 10:27 AM

I can't even comment, T.  You've said it all and you KNOW I understand completely.  Hang in there Honey, it WILL get better for us. It will.

[luckymama2girls]

Jul. 6, 2008 at 4:49 PM Oooh Stinky, I'm sorry you are going through this. I know too many girls that have gone through just this exact same thing. What do you want to do? Do you feel like waiting for him to make the decision for you? Love sucks!!! Wish I had good advice for you but I don't. Hang in there Stinky!

[piggyfairy]

Jul. 7, 2008 at 12:20 PM

What do I want to do? Hmmmm....

I want to organize a huge, global rain dance so mighty, the rains move away from the flood areas and over here and put out all the fires, then they move onto the ocean.

I want to encourage him to take a few weeks, just to himself; no working for his dad, or the fire dept, or helping anyone out.....

I want an answer....I mean, whether he's in it for the long haul or not, he's going to need time to really think about it and be sure of it....because no matter what decision he makes, there's no going back and forth about it anymore. Either he's there, or he's not.  I'm not going to allow him to put my family through this so I have to be strong when it comes to him, for once.....

Or........

The crazy, irrational side of me wants to steal a car and drive to him and pin him down and force an answer out of him hahahaha......

 

(Original Poster)