SPACE? WHAT IS IT AND WHO NEEDS IT?

[MomsterLuv]

We are unique, us humans.  Fearfully and wonderfully made in the Image of the Divine. Let's not loose what is wonderful and amazing about who we are and where we came from.  We are the Body of Christ and we share this intimate unity.  Share with me what is beautiful about your culture.  Help me be a better mom, a better wife, a better child of God?  Please!

So, I am part of a big Latin family, but I only have one brother which is weird because I have 6 kids and I want more.  Psycho, I knowww.  There's a lot to be said about what is beautiful about culture and even more to hold on to and pass down.

I mean, my 17 (18 in a few weeks) kept me up til 4a.m. the other day cuz he wanted to talk and he had a lot to say.  We...well actually more like he, talked about his girlfriend and their relationship, his future, his friends, life, engineering (he's a mechanical/computer engineering major), politics, literature, Christianity, his siblings, music, philosophy; his whole life and he wanted to pour out where he was in it and talked for about 4-5 hours.  His friends were pretty surprised at it and he was puzzled at them too.  He just said, hey, I know their my parents, but I can talk to them because they're my family.

That we're parents and not friends is clear.  I don't believe in being their friend because they have lots of friends but only one mom; only one dad.  So it's my sacred duty to make them pick their pants up, fix their posture, watch their language, police their every waking moment.  It's my sacred pleasure to hug on them, smother them, flood them with praise and go to every recital, game, show, etc. Volunteer for every team mom, room mom, youth group chaperon, etc. I love being the taxi. I love being the cook and I don't mind being the bad guy.

The other day, my daughter's college room-mate asked me how I did it.  Did what?  'How do you have such a close relationship with your kids, I mean they tell you everything but they still respect you.  They obviously know that you're the parent."  I have to think about it.  Lot's of parents have the role of authority and lots of parents have the role of friend but, by the Grace of God, I get to be confidant, Alli and authority.  She said "I mean, sometimes I like my space but sometimes I see you with them and I want that too" and that's when it hit me.

Latin families don't understand the concept of space.  Privacy?  No, no, no, no, no.  My daughter's first boyfriend was and is like a son to us. My son's girlfriend is like a daughter. Our fridge and pantry are kind of like dining commons among their friends. It's good, it's bad and sometimes it's ugly. But as they get older, it's kinda beautiful. I mean my firstborn is a Junior in College (20) and my son begins College in the fall and I am really thankful for this part of my culture. 

 Yes, joke about it. Yes, it's laughable, 5 families in a 2 bedroom apartment doesn't leave room for space.  No, I've never lived like that because I'm 3rd generation American.  Grandpa born in Kansas, Mom in Texas and me in California but we have always lived with extended families.  I have never had a single relative who ever lived in a nursing home.  Not that that's bad, but it's just not part of my culture.  When grandparents get old, they move in with and are taken care of by their kids.  I grew up with my grandparents and my kids grew up with their grandma until she went to be with the Lord.

My kids know this.  Their friends know this.  Even my 11 year old little girl is already wired this way. I talk to her very openly about drugs, sex (it's a purity/virginity until marriage thing in our home), boys, friends, PMS, everything.  Nothing is taboo.  No space. Not between parents and kids. It does change when they marry, but until then..no space. 

It's my favorite thing about Paul's relationship with Timothy and Titus. "To Titus, my true child in a common faith; Grace and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Savior" Titus 1:4 "To Timothy, my true child in the faith: Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord" 1Timothy 1:2 "To Timothy, my beloved son; Grace, mercy and peace from god the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord. I thank God, whom I serve with a clear conscience the way my forefathers did, as I constantly remember you in my prayers night and day longing to see you, even as I recall your tears, so that I may be filled with joy. For I am mindful of the sincere faith within you, which first dwelt in your grandmother Louis, and your mother Eunice, and I am sure it is in you as well" 2Timothy3-6

And Paul went on to distinctly instruct Titus and Timothy, both as kids and as men. Parenting is not for the timid and Latin parenting is pretty much for the Bear or Lion of a mom.  And it's not without it's heartaches either.  My 15 year old is my Wild Child and whoah...Just pray for him, pray for me, pray for me and him!!! 

So Space?  What is it and who needs it?  Certainly not parents with their kids or kids with their parents, until they are married at any age!  Time, sometimes they need time but not space.  When they need time, give it to them with prayer but fill the space with your presence so they know you're there for them because your in their face. Be all up in their business. Know their dreams, fears, peccadillos, know them and be known by them in all your glorious imperfection.  It's real, just as real as God's Power, God's Grace, God's Mercy and God's call to Holiness!

Find what's beautiful in your own culture and pass it on.  I mean, Anastasia's room mate has a trip every year with her siblings and their dad, but once in each of their lives he takes only one of them.  Wow!  That is so, so cool. Why didn't I think of that? 

And Evangelina's friend is going to have a Bat Mitzvah.  I love it because I wouldn't dare miss the Quinceanera. 

No, we've never hunted.  I've never even seen a real gun but my friend takes his son hunting, with their Labrador Retriever and everything. What about that beautiful Henna party the Indians do (dot not feathers).  How cool is that? 

We are unique, us humans.  Fearfully and wonderfully made in the Image of the Divine. Let's not loose what is wonderful and amazing about who we are and where we came from.  We are the Body of Christ and we share this intimate unity.  Share with me what is beautiful about your culture.  Help me be a better mom, a better wife, a better child of God?  Please!

[tracylynnr67]

Jul. 4, 2008 at 3:37 PM

What a wonderful post!

We have a lot in common as far as mothering and our relationship with our children goes.