Feeling like the worst mommy ever
- July 7, 2008 at 3:02 PM by Twila29
- 2 Comment(s)
- 26 Total Views
I feel like a horrible mother and I had to share this with someone because the guilt is eating me inside.
Elise has been sick with an upper respiratory infection. I took her to the doctor more than a week ago and the doc suggested helping get the mucus out with a bulb syringe, placing a humidifier in her room when she sleeps and having her sleep in her car seat or bouncer so that the mucus can drain properly. So, we have been following doctors orders.
Elise still likes to be swaddled when she sleeps, so we continue to do so. We placed her car seat in her crib and placed some extra blankets in the car seat so it would be a little more cozy. She sleeps on her back, and cannot rollover yet, so suffocation is not a fear...
She woke up at about 1:30 a.m. and I nursed her back to sleep and put her back in her car seat. At 5:30 a.m., I went into her room to nurse her again (although she had not awoken, I had to nurse her before getting ready for the day...). I looked in the car seat and she was not there.
I rubbed my eyes and then panicked. The lights in her room were not on, but there was a night light that shed enough light to see inside her crib.
I thought, "Maybe hubby came and got her and put her in bed with us and I just did not remember it or I did not hear her cry..."
Then, I looked a little closer and saw that she was in her crib, at the end of the car seat. She had slid or squirmed her way out of the car seat.
I have no clue if she even woke up with this happening, because I had the baby monitor on and never heard a peep from her and I am a light sleeper. (and, her room is RIGHT next to ours.)
So, I picked Elise up, still panicked, that what if she was not breathing or something, like it had knocked her out???
She was fine, breathing, still sleeping, but fine. I unswaddled her and her demeanor and everything was fine. She didn't have a scratch or anything on her.
All I can think about is what if she slipped out and her neck snapped or something? What if I didn't have those bumpers on the crib? What if I had put the car seat on the couch and she rolled off onto the floor?
Oh my God. I know I am probably sounding crazy. But, I just feel so horrible. I can't believe that happened. I am not going to put the blankets in the car seat anymore, because I think that was too much padding and she was not sitting deep enough into the seat. Maybe I should just keep her buckled in her bouncer?
So, I am just venting to you both because I feel horrible. I feel so guilty. I am not sure if anyone has ever had something like this happen, but maybe you could shed some light...
BTW, hubby doesn't understand why I feel so guilty since she was not harmed. I think it is just a mom gene that we are plagued with guilt if something remotely goes wrong with our child???....
- Written by Twila29 on July 7, 2008 at 3:02 PM
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Comments:
Sorry to hear that!!!! I can relate. Alya was sitting (or laying) on her boppy and she was kind of throwing a fit and she threw herself backwards which made her almost hang half on/half off the boppy. Girl she didnt even completely come out of the boppy and i still felt horrible the entire week!! ok, maybe mine is a bit ridiculous, but I hope it made you feela little better about being guilty lol. and don't feel too guilty either, at least she was not harmed and for sure you can see how much you adore her and want to keep her safe. you are doing great!
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Don't feel guilty. It happens to all of us. Something happens where yes, had the worst possible thing happened it would have been bad, but we seem to luck out and make it through the whole parenthood thing. Trust me, I don't blame you for feeling guilty. I know I have made mistakes, but luckily I waa able to just take away the knowledge that I have learned and luckily no one got hurt. If we always dwell on the what if's, we will never appreciate the thsnk goodnesses.
I know you are a good mom just because of how freaked you got and how you were doing what you could to make your sick baby be able to breathe better. No worries! Hugs all around!!
BrenanMommy Jul. 7, 2008 at 3:07 PM