Babies For Sale

[casjoh]

I wonder sometimes if the majority of society truly realizes the truth of what happens in domestic infant adoption.  Those who proclaim what a wonderful act it is – are they aware of the ugliness that hides behind the prettiness?  Are they aware of the severe grief and loss caused to both mother and child for the benefit of another?

 

I can’t believe, or rather I do not want to believe, that we have become so cold and uncaring that as a whole we feel nothing for what happens to young, pregnant women in their most desperate time of need.  Are we really in the mindset to support beliefs in which we take an infant away from his or her mother when she has done NOTHING WRONG?  To give that baby to another woman deemed more “worthy” simply because of the size of her bank account or marital status?

 

The ugly, heart-wrenching truth of domestic infant adoption lies not in the pretty picture of a child desperately in need of a home and a couple stepping in to save him or her.  It lies in a multi-billion dollar industry, recognizing the desperation of those who want a baby of their own and using that desperation to line their pockets with more and more money.  It lies in some who claim they are “helping” young, pregnant woman by taking their babies rather than supporting and helping them raise their children.  In those who believe they have a right to another’s baby because they can’t or choose not to have a baby of their own.

 

Infants are not merchandise.  They are human beings.  Nobody should ever be disregarded in the way innocent babies are in “price lists” such as those below (taken from an adoption listing of “available situations”) . . .

 

**Birth Mother with a 1/2 Caucasian 1/2 African American baby Girl.  $20,000.00**

 

**Birth Mother due with a full Caucasian baby gender unknown.   $33,000.00**

 

**Birth Mother due with Full Caucasian Baby gender unknown.  $28,000.00.**

 

**Birth Mother due with a Full African American baby gender unknown.  $ 22,000.00**

 

Notice how Caucasian babies “cost” more.  And this is considered okay?  Understandable by some.  Encouraged by others.    

 

Placing a price tag on unborn babies, the dollars varying according to race, is wrong.  So very, very wrong!  And yet it’s accepted and practiced within our society – a fact I do not and never will understand.

 

Moms and their unborn children are being reduced to nothing more than items to be bought and sold.  And we stand behind this!  Call it great thing!  WHY?

 

How can anyone support an act that encourages marketing and advertising in high schools and colleges, pregnancy centers and teen parenting programs?  All in the hopes of attaining more babies to sell to hopeful couples.

 

There is nothing great in that.  Nothing loving or caring.  Only a deep, dark ugliness so many refuse to see or admit to.  But it exists, lingering heavy in the real world of domestic infant adoption, harming so many moms and babies.  Creating emotional scars that last a lifetime.

 

It starts with the mom, bringing her in, offering her comfort and understanding while at the same time telling her the many ways she will fail in her hopes of being a good mother.  Her “counseling” includes encouragement for how brave and selfless she will be if she creates an adoption plan, reminds her of the failures she faces if she chooses to parent her own son or daughter.

 

She is portrayed as a hero in those months of her pregnancy and yet often finds criticism after she has lost her child.  Judged by the very same society that holds adoption so high on a pedestal.  A society blindly supporting the manipulation of young, pregnant woman, the selling of infants, while turning a blind eye to the sufferings both mother and child experience after such a terrible separation.

 

It’s time to learn the truth of domestic infant adoption.  Time to chip away at old beliefs shrouded in the unknown.  First/Natural moms and adoptees are speaking out, sharing stories of confusion and loss.  Of feelings of abandonment and a grief that never goes away.

 

Society needs to listen to them, hear what their words echo.  It’s time to turn a deaf ear to the multi-billion dollar adoption industry.  Time to see through their “fairy-tales” of a win-win situation.  Of infants being rescued from their mothers at birth.  There is nothing for them to be rescued from!

 

We can’t go on assuming anyone who speaks up about adoption is only carrying on because they had a bad experience.  Many are speaking out from many different situations.  Some bad, some good.  Their voices need, and deserve, to be heard.

 

As a society, we have fought against many “wrongs.”  Now is the time to fight against the “wrongs” brought against a mother and child in domestic infant adoption.

  

Tags: adoptees, adopting, adoption, adoptive parents, birthmoms, first moms, natural moms

Add A Comment

[Unbroken_Amanda]

Jul. 8, 2008 at 9:01 PM I am adopted and def felt the loss as a child. I have adoptive parents I love, but unfortunatly will never know my mom as she died when I was 6. Sadly finding my birthfamily did not help me whatsoever. Nothing but old anger and grief taken out on me. NO thanks. I am just happy I am alive. You're right, it is a pathetic comodity...children, babies. I wish there was a way to change the world, and seems like in other political rallies, it's something that won't ever change. To adopt a child from another country is darn near impossible, and incredibly expensive. But yet, they still do it. As an adoptee as I call myself, I will never be able to defend the truth in my birth mothers plight to keep me. But money prevailed. Even when my foster parents who had less money than my adoptive parents tried to adopt me, the almighty dollar won out.

[casjoh]

Jul. 8, 2008 at 10:57 PM

sophperserve,

I can definitely understand where those words hit a cord with you.  It's very hard to be judged for something before you've ever even had the chance to try.  I am so very glad your children are with you.  That is where they belong.  And I agree with you, we all need to stop turning on backs on the very serious problem of infant adoption.  Too may moms and children are being hurt to continue to ignore the emotional scars it creates.

StaceyLu - You already are a great mom to that adorable little girl of yours - of course you will be one to your son as well!  I can hardly wait for his debut.

(Original Poster)

[DaphneMae]

Jul. 8, 2008 at 11:37 PM

Momzilla "Considering the extreme lifelong trauma and pain that is inflicted on mothers who are coerced to surrender their babies (and the majority DO face coercion), I do no think that there is anything "wonderful" about dooming a mother to a life of depression, unresolved grief and loss, and PTSD. "

 

Not all mothers are coerced.  I am sorry if you were, but that is not always the case. 

[Southernroots]

Jul. 9, 2008 at 12:26 AM

Unfortunately, I think it is clear that most of society has no awareness of the dark side of adoption. In fact, it is obvious that many triad members have little awareness as well. That's why educating the world about adoption is so important. Until people understand why adoption needs to change, it will remain as it is now.

When a mother relinquishes because she was provided misleading information, was coerced or offered no resources to help her parent, it is a tragic situation. I believe that mothers who freely choose adoption, having heard both sides and with no pressure from anyone are rare. Whether coercion is subtle or forceful and obvious, in any form, it is wrong.

 

[orangeorbie]

Jul. 9, 2008 at 12:29 AM I'm so in sleep debt it's not even funny--just one of my lovely symptoms of losing my daughter to adoption--that I can't even say anything halfway profound right now.  Just that I was coerced by my parents and the adoption attorney and the adoptive parents.  And I know plenty of my friends here have been as well.  By society, their parents, their baby's fathers, their baby's father's family, the adoptive parents to be, the adoption attorney, the social worker, the list goes on.  And we women want to put others first by doing what they said was the right thing--which is how the papers got signed in the first place! 

[onethentwins]

Jul. 9, 2008 at 1:19 AM

OP quote: We can’t go on assuming anyone who speaks up about adoption is only carrying on because they had a bad experience.  Many are speaking out from many different situations.  Some bad, some good.  Their voices need, and deserve, to be heard.

I had a good adoption experience. About as good as they come. I got to choose my sons adoptive parents and they were wonderful parents. My son had a very happy childhood and he loves his parents dearly. Through out his childhood his parents and I exchanged letters and photos and I could see he was happy and thriving. We are bonded by the love of our son. At 18 I was reunited with my son. He has lived with me for a semester, travelled to England with me to meet his birth family and we continue to have a loving, fun, close relationship. I think that's about as good as an adoption experience can get.

However, I still have to deal devastating loss and grief. I have to live with the adoption issues my son has and know that I did this to him. No matter how good an adoption experience is it is full of pain and loss. I wouldn't wish birth motherhood on my worst enemy. The greed of the adoption agency and the tenacious way they market for unborn babies is (searching for word) disgusting!

The myths that birth mothers get over it and move on, that adoptees are unaffected by adoption are wrong. I'm here to tell anyone that listens that adoption is not the win win situation it is sold to be except for the people making their living at it and the parents that get the perfect healthy infant they so long for.

 

[Momzilla4]

Jul. 9, 2008 at 1:35 AM

You are right, Daphnemae.  NOT all mothers were coerced, but many if not most are.  Either overtly or covertly   Some studies are listed here: 

http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read/994095/On_the_Topic_of_Coercion_Evidence_from_Researchers

 

In 1976 at the end of the BSE, the first studies began to find out how to get more mothers to surrender their babies.  The reason was that many agencies were threatened with going out of business. Not enough babies being surrendered for adoption meant declining cash flows and threats of bankruptcy.   One of the first of these studies was "Open Adoption" by Baran, Pannor and Sorosky who conducted focus groups with single mothers struggling with poverty to find out what would get them to surrender their infants.  Open adoption was the key finding -- the promise of open adoption.  More studies were conducted including a recent one funded by the NCFA to find out how to increase adoptions.  When any of the tactics that were proven in studies to increase surrender rates are applied to an expectant or new mother with the intent of increasing the odds she will surrender her baby, her decision cannot be said to be made freely and with full choice.  Instead, it has been influenced, intentionally, to increase the odds that she will surrender.

Coercion no longer takes place with hospital staff whisking away the baby at birth without the mother's  consent or knowledge (as happened to me),  but is more subtle and applied in such a way that mother's don't realize they are being manipulated.  A coerced decision is not a decision at all.

 

[stephanieB83]

Jul. 9, 2008 at 10:45 AM I totally agree with both sides of this arguement. I personally have no good ideas myself to fix the problem being spoken of, but i know many of you women out there are very smart! maybe instead of saying well its non profit or they make tons of money off of people like you and me and its wrong! You should say hey thats not right! Let's make a stand for ourselves and change this!  WE MUST BE THE CHANGE WE WISH TO SEE IN THE WORLD!

[nanaann69]

Jul. 9, 2008 at 11:56 AM I am so glad to see some post something like this. My step daughter has a friend that is 15 and she just had a baby that her family forced her to give up for adoption. Just because the baby was mixed. They did not care about how hard it would be on this child or her baby when they made her sign her away. Yes she had a little girl they even made her keep the child in the room for two hours after wards. Now I have never been threw an adoption but know plenty of people who have.

[funnygirlecu]

Jul. 9, 2008 at 2:06 PM I once upon a time thought all babies put up for adoption came from abusive parents that had rights terminated, or were completely orphaned. I didn't think one actually had to relinquish children. I actually find it kind of mind blowing that people thinks its alright to try and sell adoption to a mother. What ever happen to helping mothers and encouraging mothers to be the best mothers they can be. Whatever happen to recognizing when someone is in a crises situation and truly accessing the situation and giving the person the space and time to make the right decision. I'm a Christian and I actually wonder what Jesus thinks about all this. I keep thinking of the Bible story about the rich men with lots of pigs and the poor man that only had one.