First off, lemme say that these things could happen ANYwhere. Not just Wal Mart. So if your comment is just going to be something along the lines of "Yeah, that's Wal Mart for you, they suck and ruin the country and steal little babies' candy!" spare me. I'm not in the mood. Seriously.

Also. I AM looking for a different job. So don't say "well if you hate it so much, why don't you just quit?" because that's stupid and you'll look like a fucking idiot.

Okay. That being said... I hate my freaking job. I hate it.

I hate my customers (most of the time. I certainly DO get some really fun, awesome customers, but this isn't about them so... yeah). I hate standing in one place all day. I hate my supervisors and I hate the "beep beep beep"

This is an informative message to anyone who may go shopping at a Wal Mart anytime soon.

1. If you're going to a Speedy Checkout, PLEASE do not have 30 items. I know you just want to get out of there, but so do I. Don't walk up to me, look into your cart as if you're counting (cause we BOTH know you've got too many items in there) and say "I think I've got about 20 items, is that okay?" Like I can freaking tell you no. And you know I can't tell you no. So why don't you just start loading your crap up on to my counter (which is too SMALL to fit it!) and I'll start bagging it in to the THREE bags I have here. When all the bags are full, I'll wait for you to come get them. Then I'll start bagging the rest of your stuff. BUT I guess the joke is on you, asshole. This just took about three times as long as going to a regular register would have. Ha fucking ha.

2. If I start talking to you... all friendly like... talk back. Please. Because I've been standing in this one spot all freaking day, and you acting like me trying to have a conversation is absurd is really only making it worse. Really. I'm not stupid. And I often like to use big words that make the women who have had so much plastic surgery, I don't know if their parents would recognize them, carrying their designer hand bags with a little dog inside look at me all confused. It's great that you've got your looks and your figure and you were able to marry a rich guy to take care of you, but you're a human like me so you CAN talk to me!

3. I don't care what's wrong with your kid. That's your deal. I'm sure they're wonderful and special and all the things you could ever hope for. To me? They're the annoying screaming kid who's aggravating my headache. People. Is it so freaking hard to teach your kids "No" means "No. End of story. Ask again you're in deep trouble"? Because I, the lowly idiot cashier, have taught my kids just that. They ask, I say no, that's the end. They don't whine and beg and throw themselves on the floor like your kid. They don't refuse to get the hell outta my line. They say "okay" and that's it. And I didn't have to beat my kids to teach them that either. Simple discipline. It won't hurt your kid. I promise. And everyone who has to come in contact with the little monster ( and don't get your panties in a twist, I call my kids monsters sometimes too ) will thank you.

4. Another kid one. Please don't let your kid screech at the top of his lungs all throughout your two hour shopping trip. Yes. I know how hard it can be to shop with three kids. I do it myself. But my kids don't make noises that should make all the glassware shatter. Please.

5. You be rude to me, I'm going to make your check out experience HELL and I won't get into ANY trouble for it. Wanna know how? I'm going to smile at you, talk to you as politely as possible, call for ten price checks and let them know to take their time finding the correct price. We want to make sure you're not overcharged or anything. And as you stand there tapping your fingernails and looking at me like I'm stupid, I'll just smile and keep scanning your things. I'll keep obliviously talking like we're old pals, taking my time. It won't hurt. I have the third highest IPH (Items Per Hour... how fast I can get people through my lines) in the store. Taking my time with one won't drop my numbers much.

Just a warning. = )

6. When going through the self check outs, don't act like I'm the one making the thing ask if you want to skip bagging every time. Don't act like I'm the idiot who actually presses the button when I clearly bagged the item. It's really not my fault you're stupid. It's also not my fault that Self Check Out machines are the root of all evil (I'm waiting for Lewis Black to do an episode about this).  So please,  don't look at me like I'm the dumb one in the situation. If you've got a full cart of groceries, that should be your first hint that you should go to a cashier. They're trained to deal with the barcodeless items that you've inevitably got in that cart. You're not. And when all four machines are busy, give me two freaking minutes to come approve your beer. This idiot over here wants to pay with a check (which has to be the DUMBEST thing ever). Thanks.

Okay. I realize I've just offended about everyone on this site at least once. I just don't care. I think everyone needs to know these things! BE AWARE of what your idiocy or uncalled for bad attitude is doing to you. Of what it's doing to your cashier. Just because "It's what they're paid to do" doesn't mean you have to be a complete jackass and make it worse.

Thanks.  

Tags: retail, walmart, idiots, customers, i'm pulling my hair out, make your kid shut the heck up, my feet hurt, you\'re actually more dumb than me so piss off.

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