What feminism means to me....

[ma2b08]

I have never really considered myself a feminist. I am only 22, yet to the casual observer, my life probably seems pretty old-fashioned. I am a stay at home mom. I had my baby 100% naturally. I only visit a midwife for gynecologic visits.  I exclusively breastfeed. My husband comes home every day to a clean house, a happy baby (usually....), and a home cooked dinner waiting on the table. I wash his clothes, pack his lunches and rub his back after a long hard day. He mows the lawn, takes out the trash and fixes the cars. For years, my fellow females have been fighting hard against these traditional gender roles of "the past" calling them archaic, demeaning and outdated. But for us, it's what works. I am the woman. I do what I feel that entails, and the same for him.

There was a time when I thought that by the age of 25, I would be jet-setting around the world. I would be working on my first million, publishing my first novel, or completing my doctorate. I would be a world changer and nothing could stand in my way! I wouldnt need a man to validate me! I wouldnt even THINK about having children til I was at least 30+ And marriage? Pfft! Forget it! Because after all...a forward thinking woman of the new millenium couldnt be bothered with such things! Isnt that what our mothers fought so hard for in the 60's and 70's? My right to be a single, successful career woman with a chic apartment and a sportscar? It would be an abomination against the revolution to settle for a quiet life of family mediocrity! Right?

Needless to say, my world was shaken up when I unexpectedly became pregnant in the fall of 2007, at the age of 21. As I've been taught, I weighed my options. Women of the 2000s have more options than ever, so it should've been a tough decision. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized... To be feminine is not to be androgynous! To be an empowered woman does not mean to be a childless, lonely woman. Perhaps, birthing and raising a child would be the ultimate expression of my feminine identity. To do that for which my body, mind, and heart were created might not be as demeaning as I'd been led to believe.

I did a lot of research and found that going forth with a natural, non-medical birth was the best option for me. A lot of women ridiculed that choice. To them, it was an affront to medical technology and feminist ideaology to go through with the "barbaric" practice of unmedicated childbirth. I tried to explain that I felt that perhaps being able to do this on our own could be our greatest accomplishment...but it fell on deaf ears.

The day that all of my theory became hard-won, steadfast belief was May 11, 2008. Ironically, Mother's Day. That Sunday, I labored just under 9 hours and gave birth to a healthy, perfect 7lb 5oz baby girl. My Ivy came into the world bright eyed with the kind of alertness that can only come from a natural, beautiful birth experience. Many said I wouldnt/couldnt go through with it. The fact that I did, I feel was a testament to my strength as a woman.

Many women view stay at home mothers as lesser women than them. They feel that we are lazy, unmotivated, backwards, and a slew of other less than flattering adjectives. They dont understand the choices and sacrifices that are our lives. Many feel that we are selling ourselves short, not reaching our "full" potential.

Well...The only thing I can say to them is, their choices are theirs to make. My choices are mine. I own them. I do not regret them. I have never felt more alive and fulfilled then when I have my beautiful thriving baby girl at my breast, dinner on the stove and clothes in the wash. When my husband comes home and gives me a kiss and tells me how happy he is to see us and how proud he is of me, I am at peace with the world and my choices.

To me, feminism=choices. I chose to be a stay at home mother, at least for now. Does that make me any less of a forward thinking, intelligent woman? Absolutely not. I feel it makes me MORE of one. Because I made a conscious decision that was best for ME and MY FAMILY.

And THAT is what feminism means to me.

[Sassinaglass]

Jul. 9, 2008 at 12:52 PM Woohoo! My sentiments exactly..although Lance is not so lucky to come home to a cleaned house and he usually gives me a backrub :P I plan on going back to school and won't be a SAHM once Wynter is old enough where I feel comfortable putting her in daycare a couple of days in the week. It's too much work. Feminism DOES equal choice. The problem is not that staying at home is a "lesser" choice but that motherhood is looked down upon in society. Look at birth for instance, we are all being told we can't trust our own bodies anymore and need to rely on paternalistic medicine to do something women having been doing quite well for THOUSANDS of years. Great post, hun.

[JessieLynn84]

Sep. 18, 2008 at 11:56 PM

I swear, you're a girl after my own heart :)

[LuvmyAiden]

Sep. 23, 2008 at 12:21 PM

That was beautiful!!! I will be staying at home with my two as of this friday and I am SUPER excited. I wasn't tough enough for totally natural birth but I did breastfeed and loved it. I love women who understand that choosing to stay at home is not a bad thing but a great thing and that it is ok to strive to be like Mrs. Cleaver! LOL! Hope you have a great day!

[suzyq97]

Oct. 30, 2008 at 7:15 AM

Your writing is absolutely amazing and so true for so many of us. Your Journal Post should be published... I have been fortunate enough to be a SAHM since I had my first son 22 years ago and would not have had it any other way.  My  2 youngest are still in high school which to me are the most dramatic time in a young adults life with all of the choices that they are faced with that could lead them down the right road or the wrong road. I choose to be here for them when they get home to help with those choices to go down the right road, so many of their friends don't have this and I see the things they are doing that mine are not. I think being around them so much has led to a closeness that unfortunately other Mothers don't have, my kid's tell me things that my GF's, (that are working mom's),are blown away by because their kids have never came close to having these types of conversations with them. I also had a natural birth with my last son Dakota, while my labor and delivery was only 2 1/2 hours, I agree with you that it was such a wonderful experience and compared to my other 2 where I had epidurals that caused them to be drawn out and miserable.

[MagnaMeg]

Feb. 23, 2009 at 12:58 PM

I voted popular.  This is amazing.  I always thought it was funny how the feminist movement seemed to push the idea that we should deny what MAKES us feminine by choosing to be childless.  The logic just doesn't follow.  If you want a career, fine, make that choice, but don't rain on others who chose to fulfill the use of our natural design to bear and raise children.

You're very eloquent in your writing and thoughts. :-)

[LorelNicolette]

Sep. 6, 2010 at 9:10 PM

I am sooo with you!  I started out as a mom who worked outside the home, but learned that my heart was really at home with the kids. 

I was also mocked for planning a home birth with my second.  I had so many people accuse me of going backwards. 

Kudos to you for listening to your inner voice early on.  It took me until my son was born to realize that I am not like everyone else.