need mom advice asap!!!!

[soldiermom1988]

Hi mom's I dont get to visit much my life is turned upside down all the time anymore it seems. So my son is back from basic and aitand boy is he messing up his life now that he has a girlfriend. His 10,000.00 dollar bonus GONE in  four months, nothing to show for it.....I co sighned in jan for a brand new car with the promise that the bonus will pay it off so my name is off the loan....nope spent it all, now he is squirming to get a job to pay his bills. He has a 20 year old girlfriend who has no job or car and now she wants to move in with him...UUUUGGGHHHH!!!! This relationship has totally changed him and destroyed our relationship as mom and son after all we have been through, I don't know what to do he just won't take my advice.should i take the car cause i just got a call from collections that he didnt pay his credit card, I want to just walk away from him for awhile cause I am so stressed but on the other hand I love him so much it will hurt but he just keeps using us and that little bitch has him brain washed.He stopped goin to school and also wants to quit the army now, wtf! He has no clue and this girl is obviously no good for him, well see if she sticks around after no money no car....please help I am really tryin to be a good mom but feel like I don't know how to anymore :(

[soldiermom1988]

Jul. 10, 2008 at 12:09 PM advice asap

(Original Poster)

[CHYRL310]

Jul. 10, 2008 at 12:19 PM WOW THAT'S A TUFF ONE!! WELL IT'S CALLED TUFF LOVE. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? NO!! WELL THEN DO WHAT YOUR GUT TELLS YOU. TAKE THE CAR AND TRY TO TALK TO HIM. TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM AND HE WILL COME AROUND. HE MAY BE MAD AT FIRST BUT IN THE LONG RUN IT MAY BE WORTH IT.

[kniselydone]

Jul. 12, 2008 at 1:03 AM

hi there, I completely understand your situation and yes tough love sounds like what is needed. Trust me, the tough part is NOT just calmly telling the (son in this case), what you're going to do or what is required of him, but the really tough part is follow through on your part. We mother's want to rescue them, not do what feels like harming our relationship with them...

I have a 19 yr. old son who made me a grandmother 17 months ago. I knew when the girlfriend entered the picture that trouble was coming. Just before her entrance he was preparing to graduate early and begin college prep classes. That got blown away AND he ended up in Juvenile Detention for 2 weeks. Hardest things I've had to do have been with this situation. They lived with me twice, helped him get cars....I've had to LET GO. Now two years later as he lives with the consequences of his decisions he is seeing how HIS decisions have put him where he is and that things could have been very different for him. And, that they still can be made better. 

Please feel free to make yourself a friend if you'd like to talk more about this. Best wishes for both of you.

[soldiermom1988]

Jul. 14, 2008 at 3:18 PM Thank you both very much for the reply and I'd love to talk more with anyone on this my biggest fear right now is that I will step back out of his life and him end up getting deployed and have to go to iraq with all of these issues between us. And yes I am the biggest GIVE IN kind of mom and I have a very hard time STICKING TO IT......I just wish this girl would leave and things can be normal again.....she hs done nothing but lie to me and my husband about things and wants to free load from our son cause her parents are tired of her laziness. Oh yea I did send her a nice little note on her my space and now she refuses to come around but that means my son isn't coming around now too..All i said is that we will not give our blessing to the living situation #1 she has no job and #2 they have only been dating three months..I just don't know how to mother a 20 year old son i guess....tahnks again for listening

(Original Poster)