My not-so-dear hubby

[woodsfamily]

My husband and I fight ALL the time. I hate it. I want to leave him but I love him and don't want our daughter to grow up with out her daddy. When things are going good, he is my absolute favorite person to be around. But when things are bad, omg... stay clear of us! And we fight over the same things over and over again... Money most. He likes to spend all of the money. We are always broke at the first of the month because that is when all of our bills are due and yet he is always asking me for money (I have him on an allowance because he is so bad with money.). He doesn't understand that if we keep having to dip into savings, soon there will now be a savings to dip into. And, he lies about what he spends money on. We also fight about other guys. He is convinced that I am going to leave him for some guy... regardless of the fact that I have given him absolutely no reason to think that I am or will cheat on him.

He is in the marines so he has been away from us for the past six going on seven months. We have seen each other twice since then. It went great until he started asking for $500 that we didn't have so he could buy a laptop cuz he is bored where he is. He already has a psp that he bought and can play games and watch movies on.

 He is always cussing at me when he gets mad at me and I find that disrespectful but he didn't stop until I reached my breaking point the other day and told him that I was done and couldn't put up with him anymore. He doesn't appreciate anything I do for him and basically told me that all that I do doesn't mean anything, it doesn't count were his exact words. While he was in bootcamp, I worked at Kohl's and had a very stressful time there. I came home at god-awful hours and still had to take care of our daughter who was 3-10 months while I was working there and not sleeping through the night. I worked my butt off at that job so that I could make enough money to pay the bills because he was told that he wouldn't be able to send money to us. He told me that I didn't contribute anything during that time.

I have tried the "do unto others as you would have them do unto you" spoof. And it is exactly that. It doesn't work for him. While I was prego, I would make sure dinner was on the table when he came home, I would clean, take care of him, etc. Now, I am a stay at home mom and I do all of that and more. When he has been here dinner was on the table, I take care of our daughter 24/7, feed her, bathe her, everything, do laundry, clean the house, do the dishes... he contributes nothing except a paycheck. Is it wrong of me to expect him to do more than come home and play computer games all night? He doesn't even go to bed with me. He says he is not tired enough. He is just straight up lazy and gets mad when I bring that up. He thinks I am calling him fat and unattractive.

I love my husband and I want to stay with him but at the same time, I am wondering if the grass really is greener on the other side. I am looking for suggestions and encouragement, not "you should leave him". Divorce is not something I believe in. That being said, I don't know how much more I can put up with.

[mommytobe21409]

Jul. 12, 2008 at 12:20 AM Well I really don't know what to say but I am willing to try. I can say that just because you two are not together does not mean that your child will grow up with out a father.  and it has taken me to be on this site to understand that. And about the cheating thing I went through that and even though that me and my ex are still not together and he still thinks I am with some other guy and I try to tell him I am not its pointless. Just let him think what he thinks there is not changing it  at least in my case its not.

[NurseDeby]

Jul. 12, 2008 at 12:23 AM I understand how you fell and I dont believe in Divorce either...marriage is hard work no marriage will survive unless you work at it...that said both people have to work at your marriage...u need to sit and talk to him...explain to him where your marriage is at and maybe (if your willing) suggest marriage counseling...let him know though how much u love him and how much u want ur marriage to work...dont forget to tell him his good points while at the same time letting him know the important things that he does wrong...not the little naggy things buit the important ones like cutting u down, not respecting u etc.  well i hope the best for u I think we could become good friends and help each stay strong...keep in touch!

[sls1007]

Jul. 15, 2008 at 7:58 PM Hey there fellow Marine wife...being a Marine wife has a lot of downs and negative things but there are positive things about it.  I can relate to you on more ways then one!  My husband has been to Iraq twice and is getting ready to leave for a third time in September.  We have seen eachother MAYBE 2 whole months this year.  He went on training and didn't come home til March, we had problems so I went home for 3 weeks, and realized that I needed to come home and make it work, then he was gone for 2 weeks and then 3 weeks, so we have had a busy lonely year so far and he will be gone for the holidays and for the birth of our second child.  And I know the feeling of just wanting some help around the house when they get home...all I can say is it takes a special type of woman to be a military wife.  Try talking to him about how you are feeling, I find that my husband (as bad as this sounds) just simply forgets that I have a rough day sometimes, and being a stay at home mom isn't all fun and games.  I agree with both of the women before, I just wanted to let you know, you aren't alone and Im in your shoes too....hang in there girl....If you wanna chat more, add me