I had a dream that reminded me just how lonely I am. I miss when I had "friends" in highschool. I feel like I dont fit in anywhere. I blame my anxiety for not letting anyone get close to me. There is nothing I can do to control it, my mind is on auto-pilot, so its like its not even up to me... its already been decided. I feel comfortable around my family, Justin, and maybe Freddie, but when it comes to female interaction... I draw a blank. I automatically get jealous and scared when it comes to females. I guess its cause I think everyone is so much better than me. Prettier, skinnier, funnier, more fun to be around. Then there is me. Boring and scared of the world. How am I going to find any friends when everyone gets shot down in my head before I even have a chance to know thier name. Most people like to party and go out, I wanna stay home and hide from the world. I think I need actual help this time, no "I can fix this on my own" because I apparentlly cant.