It would have been enough to find a job that allows me to pay my bills and get my little girl off of the bus everyday.

It would have been enough to find the courage to drive and know that I will be able to develop a new sense of independence that was lost to me for so long.

It would have been enough to have found a new, strong connection with my husband.

It would have been enough...

The test results came in from my D&C. There were no chromosomal abnormalities. I still have to go in to rule out clotting disorders. I have progesterone waiting for when Paul and I decide to try again...

I am overwhelmed. I guess I was expecting to hear that it wouldn't be a good idea for me to keep trying- that the risk was too high. That the only way I could carry a baby was through IVF, where someone would choose which embryos to keep and which wouldn't make it. And somehow, that hurt. I am not going to try to justify that statement- it's a feeling and doesn't need to be rational to be honest. I mourn for all of my angel babies... and I don't know if I could deal with more than one loss at a time...

So, it would have been enough. I got more in three days than I can wrap my brain around. And any one thing would have been enough...

I turn 27 on Friday and this is probably the best gift I have ever received. I can't remember a time in which I had so much hope and so very much to be grateful for.

Add A Comment