Lost someone special last night...

[nattabugsmommy]

My mom's best friend has been a huge part of my life since I was, well, I can't remember exactly, that's how young I was.  She worked at my elementary school, and she was always there for me.  Everyone has always called her my surrogate mom.

She has these four really great kids.  Her youngest is a year older then me, and I always fit right in when I would go to her house.  3 boys, 1 girl.  And they are seriously her whole world.  She's one of those moms that the rest of us aspire to be.  She has that connection with her kids, so obvious that even strangers see it. She gets 8 to 10 calls a day between her 4 kids, just to check in, see how she's doing, and to let her know that they are doing OK.  She has a special connection with her middle son, Chris.  He always went by to see her on his way home after work, just to see if she needed anything.  He would bring her a back of ice every day, because they don't have an ice maker and he knows they go through ice like crazy, because theirs is the house where everyone always hangs out.  Her kids, her kids friends, sometimes her kids friends even when her kids aren't there... that's how special their family is. 

Last night Chris and his girl friend were driving home from a neighboring city.  It was late, they were driving fast.  Chris lost control and flipped his truck.  His girlfriend freed herself and crawled out.  She couldn't get him out, and the truck caught on fire. 

My sweet, wonderful, loving, surrogate mom and her equally wonderful husband got the call while they were on vacation.  They got back today around noon, to a house full of people all mourning the loss of a wonderful young man. 

 I can't be there.  I'm in Texas, and longing to be home in Florida.  I have a plain ticket for the 31st, and I know when I leave the airport I will want to be with her, sitting on her living room couch like I have done so many times in the past.  And I pray that when I am sitting there with her I will still be able to feel the love and warmth that has always enveloped me in her home.  I pray that she will survive this.  I pray that she will make it through this.  I pray that her faith in God will carry her through, and her faith in her family, her strength and her will, her strong headedness that has always made her such a remarkable woman, will bring her through this. 

I am being selfish, and I am asking God to give her strength, not only for her, and for her children and husband, but for me.  My beautiful surrogate mommy has always been a rock for me.  When I find my self struggling she is as quick to offer a hug and a word of encouragement as my mother.  She is the only one, when I announced my intentions to marry my now husband a mere month after my 18th birthday, that wrapped her arms around me and told me that with enough love and understanding she knew we could make it, and that she had faith in me and in my now husband. 

It really makes you stop and think doesn't it?  All the petty things we worry about, all the little things we let consume us.  We focus so much, every day, on our frustrations.  The baby won't stop crying, we didn't get enough sleep, the dog is barking, our husband was rude, the neighbor kept honking their horn, our headache won't go away.  We are all Moms here... and when you compare the lose of a child to all of the little things... do they compare?  I cried as I held my baby girl today.  Looking down at her long eye lashes, and big brown eyes, her perfect little lips and chunky fingers. 

My Natalie smiled at me with a look of perfect understanding.  She took my hand in one of hers, and patted my arm with the other.  "OK, Mommy" she told me over and over, waiting patiently for a big hug before she raced off to get her beloved Monkey for me to hold. 

Our children are everything.  Our children, both as babies, then toddler, kids, then teens, and on into adulthood, are what makes us whole.  Losing a child is losing a piece of ourselves, that I could never understand, and I pray I never will. 

 

[BeccaAnn]

Jul. 19, 2008 at 10:42 AM

So sorry for your loss and I will be praying for her and hugginh my boys a little tighter.

[jchelle309]

Jul. 19, 2008 at 12:59 PM I understand how you are feeling, but as you said I hope I never have to feel what she has. My thought and prayers are with you and her family as well. I am here if ya need to talk. Just give me a call.

[laura700]

Jul. 21, 2008 at 12:17 AM i am so sorry

[mvanlue]

Jul. 26, 2008 at 8:23 PM

Wow! I hope I never know that kind of pain.  I pray that God meets you as you visit and draws you together as only He can.May he give you words of comfort for a grieving mother. How awful! I am so sorry, Jess!