I don't know why I find it so difficult to put into words the way I feel about my son Ryan.  I find it hard to explain to people the enormous love I have for my son and the joy he brings to my life. I look at him and I can actually feel my heart swell with love for him.

I was 34 when I was pregnant with Ryan. My husband and I already had a healthy little girl Megan who was four years old. My Doctor kept trying to get me to have an amnio and I refused because I knew that I wanted this child and would never abort him.

My labor with Ryan was longer than I had experienced with Megan. When I had Ryan they whisked him away and didn't even let me or my husband get to look at him. I was only able to glance at him for a second and I could see that he was very blue. I could hear my husband yelling at the doctor in the hallway, "That's my son, I don't care what's wrong with him." Those words my husband spoke honestly made me fall more in love with him. I will never forget how he loved our son from the very second he was born. I must have passed out after that because I can't remember anything else.

That evening, my husband was standing next to me at my hospital bed. The room was all dark. The doctor came in and told us that our son was a mongoloid. I swear I did not even know what that meant. He went on to tell us, now can you see why doctor's drink? There were no pamphlets, no support people, there wasn't even an Internet that  I could research on my son's condition. 

I can remember walking down to the intensive care unit, all by myself, so frightened to see what my son looked like. I had to walk up close to the wall because I felt like I was going to faint. I got to the intensive care unit and saw Ryan for the first time. The very second I laid eyes on him I fell madly in love with him. He was beautiful, not at all what the doctors version of him was.

He was rushed by an ambulance to a different hospital because he had heart problems. The next month of our lives were very difficult because we could not bring him home. Ryan did go through so very many medical problems his first year. But I can honestly say he truly is such a strong boy and we are so blessed that he survived. 

Today my son is doing well at 19. Ryan is the greatest person I have ever known in my whole life. He has such a wonderful sense of humour, which he gets from his Dad. He can imitate Curly from The Three Stooges better than anyone else I have ever seen. Ryan is such a perfect imitator. He can watch a movie and know the lines by heart. 

One time he found an old Journey CD of my husbands. He played that same CD for years and sang his heart out each time he listened to it. Thank God we are a patient family because I think he would have drove other people crazy. He actually won a lip sinc contest in his school to a Journey song. I was so afraid that he would not get up on stage and sing in front of his school because he's kind of shy. Boy did he prove me wrong, he sang every word perfectly and even got down on one knee to sing to the girls in the audience and he has two bad knees. I was so proud. As he left the stage all the kids were high fiveing him.  His teacher called me later in the day to tell me that he had won the contest and you could hear all the kids in his classroom cheering for him. I will never forget that day.

Ryan amazes me everyday. He is such a gentleman that he never walks in a door in front of me. He always holds the door for me and makes me go first. If I am laying on the couch he will go get me a throw blanket and cover me up to my neck. When we go shopping he never bugs me to buy him things. If he does see something he wants and I don't have the money I will tell him that we will get it for him for Christmas and he never gives me any problems. 

My son is the most precious gift I have ever received in my whole life. I spent my a large part of my life looking for love. Well I found it in a little boy who tells me every single day, "I loves you Mom"  and everyday he fills our home with so much love and laughter. My daughter Megan has even learned from Ryan. She is such a compassionate, caring young woman with the biggest heart. She adores her brother and wants to be his guardian after we are gone. She is trying to get a good education in computer graphics because she wants to make a comforatable life for Ryan.  I have been so very blessed with two wonderful children and a husband who has never once left my side.

 Written by RyansJourney

Tags: down syndrome awareness

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