Life

[ArtTime]

Life has been interesting lately...so I am just going to write about it.

 

My life is busy!  Wow, but I don't mind...I mean I know that God totally created my life to be busy.  I don't know if I could survive with out having to make plans and constantly be doing things.  I don't mind busy, it is me.  I think that hard part is trying to figure out who I am...no no...what to do...I don't know.  I am just in that place of confusion.  My husband works full time, goes to school part time, is in two bands that practice at least once a week, and a praise band at church.  I am a stay at home full time wife and mommy.  On Mondays I take care of the house, Jason is at work...he gets off work and I drive him to school...we come home from school and eat dinner and go to bed, On Tuesdays Jason goes to work, I meet up with my mom and have mom/grandma day with her...then at night Jason usually has band practice and comes home after I go to bed (if not, we are bums for at least one night), On Wednesday Jason goes to work, my sister comes over and I teach her Algebra (she is homeschooled), we do art...then Jason gets off work and we drive him to school...then he gets out of class and we drive sister to church, we go home, eat dinner and go to bed.  On Thursday Jason goes to work, I take care of the house, Jason gets off work we eat a super fast dinner and then go to Bible study...then come home and go to bed.  On Friday Jason goes to work, I run errands , pay bills...etc. (you know mom stuff)...Jason comes home from work we try to have a date night (at home usually).  On Saturday we plan weddings, catch up on life, relaxe, watch saturday morning cartoons, take care of mutual important papers and junk, and tons of other random stuff that comes up.  On Sunday we go to church then we go home for a few hours then back to church for night service.  

 

Anyways, that is our schedule EVERY week (with VERY few exceptions).  It is hard on me.  I mean I know that God has our life busy and that I am fine with.  However I feel like everything we do is what Jason needs to do.  I mean I love my son, but I have him all day everyday and I feel like I am begging my husband for help on the week ends.  It is tough and draining and I feel like I 'personally' don't have a life.  Which sucks.  I know that God has put these awesome gifts into my life to use to bless other people...like prayer and prophecy and friendship and encouragement...I just would like to use them more...and maybe I am trying to use them the way I want to, but I just feel like the only one I use them for is my husband and I want to interact more and be my own person.  I don't know man, I am just so confused.  I feel like I am in a world wind or something.  I just...I don't know.  I had an art group that I was going to once a month, but because of band practice for Jason and other things I haven't been able to go the past three months.  Then I had a womans group that I was going to, but I can't seem to make it there now either.  And I breast feed (don't pump, I don't flow well enough to), so William goes with me everywhere, which would be fine if other people would take him and not just cue over him.  I love him, but I would like to have conversations on something besides how cute my son is (ya know).  I think i need an outlet is all.  And besides that, I don't have any close friends.  My maid of honor lives in CA now, and my sister is my next closest friend and she is 16...ya know I can't really complain to her about her brother (my husband) it just feels wrong, I don't want her thinking he is bad, because he awesome!  Anyways....I think that I am done ranting now.  Maybe I made sense...maybe not.  

 

If nothing else...If you manage to read this whole post.  Just pray for me, because that does more than anything else can.  God is awesome.  I need to feel important...yea.  Anyways, thank you.  God bless.

 

 

[Momforhealth]

Apr. 2, 2007 at 3:12 PM Sounds as if you are pretty important to a lot of people. You have wonderful art too. Breastfeeding gets tough sometimes I know..I fed 4 of them for at least 2 yrs each. I will say a prayer for you that you feel better about all you do and that you can get some time for you...:)

[meandmyboys]

Apr. 3, 2007 at 12:34 AM i think all the world wind expiriences is gods way of making you stronger! i used to reward myself with things for doing good! i also think its a hard journey to be married its a learning process and you are a very valuable mamber of it! your not wrong for feeling the way you do and communication is the best thing in my oppinion i think if you sit down with him and say im going to need an hour or two a week to my self that is so your right as a mother to keep your sanity! i had to demand it but i got it so i started taking that time and doing things like going to get my nails done or going to lunch with a friend going on local nature walks then comming home and taking a bubble bath the baby doesnt eat that often and it makes a world of difference! tell you husband exactly how you are feeling and desinate a time into your schedule each week that he is off and you have a plan to do for your self something that makes you happy and that you have to look forward to i know it sounds un heard of but even if you have to cut out one visit to church a week i promis it will be worth it it seems to me that a majority of your time goes into going to church but im sure your god wont be mad if you take a moment to your self if you get all wond up then your contact with him isnt so great when you have inner peace and serinity the contact with him is infaliable! im here if you need to talk or even if you want to go out i live near by and i can break away on mondays and thursdays if you need me im hear i dont mind listening to you rant i have been there hunny and i know how fusrating being a mommy is you are just as importaint as that beautiful baby you made is and you deserve a break every mom does!