Where have you Been? The Things I’ve Learned in a Year, Lesson 1.

[aloegirl]

 

 

It’s been a while since I’ve been on Café Mom.  I’ve been pretty busy and haven’t had the time I wanted to truly get things out.  The past 12 months have been incredibly…. Uumm,   educational.  Here’s some of the things I’ve learned.

 

1. Sometimes, you just gotta let shit go.  I let a lot of things go in the past 12 months my home, some “friends”, some resentment, stress, about 50 pounds, my hair, some bad habits, and my cousin.

 

 First,  my home.  My husband and I bought our house about 4 years ago while the housing market was on fire.  At the time, we had 3 kids (with no desire for more) and the price for the property was a steal. The plan was to buy the home, refinance in a couple of years and do some remodeling.  The problem was that the house was in worse condition than the original home owner disclosed, (she lied).  Shortly after purchasing the house it began falling apart.  We needed to replace the siding, the hot water heater was faulty, all of the appliances died in 6 months, the heating and air system died as well. Our mortgage payments were very high and we couldn’t afford to fix all the things that were wrong in the house.  We lived 2 years in that house without heat or air.  Then we found out we were expecting another baby, and that put us in a really tight spot.    We decided to try and refinance so we could fix the problems with our house and make more room for our baby.  Then the housing market crashed, and we were denied.  This was causing continuous stress between me and my hubby.     We were miserable, the kids were miserable, and there was no way out.  The final straw came when our circuit breaker caught on fire.  The electrician said that the electrical system in the house had been “improperly re-wired” and it all had to be re-done.  Our house was a fire hazard.  So, after many long discussions, we walked away.  We put it on the market, and moved into a rental.  We told the mortgage company that since they refused to refi. And work out a more reasonable house payment, we were going to attempt to sell the house and they could expect no more payments from us.  We didn’t care if it foreclosed (which it did), we could no longer live that way.   

 

We moved into a rental house that has enough room for all, it’s newer, $500 less a month than the old house, and in a better school system.  It amazes me what people will do in an attempt to save their credit.  I can’t believe how long we suffered and the stress we went through because we didn’t want to ruin our credit score.  It’s just a number.  It took us a long time to realize that the MAGIC number, that is your credit score, is NOT worth being miserable over.  And a house is just a building.  Home is where you make it.    Letting our house go may have killed our credit, but it literally saved our lives, our marriage and our family.  

 

 The fact is, credit isn’t worth anything in the economy today, nearly everyone has average to poor credit, especially if they got into a situation like we did. Most people live from paycheck to paycheck, or they live beyond their means on credit.    The Federal government has begun seizing banks for the first time since the Great Depression. Many banks don’t have enough money to cover the money that their customers (you and I) have put into their trust.  Fortunately, the government insures banks up to $100 grand per person, so the average person won’t lose anything.  As of Friday, there were 91 banks being investigated by the Feds.  Since banks make money by investing your money in the stock market, they are “losing their hats” .  Citi Bank lost nearly 3 billion over the last 90 days.   We aren’t just in a recession, we are headed for a 2^nd depression.  The financial structure of this country has Never been this bad, and yet no one realizes it.  Bottom line, that credit score won’t matter in the next few years. 

 

Actually, that covered home and stress.  I home schooled my kids last year, because of the issues I have with both the public school and the charter school my children had once attended.  Now that we have moved, I will be happy to send them off to the public school.   I also realized that it’s not the school that matters so much, but what we teach then at home.    I never thought the public school system in Ga. Was good enough for my kids.  I didn’t want them learning poor social behavior from their peers.  I was afraid if I put my daughter in public school she’d come home a slut .  After spending the last year with all 4 children in the home, I realized that what the school teaches doesn’t matter as much as what you teach.  Academics is Academics,  and they all learn basically the same stuff.    It’s my job to teach my daughters how to not be a slut,  and how to defend herself against peer pressure, and the cruelty of others.  I’ve also taken on the job of educating my kids about the real world.  Last year we did a project about real world economics (which they no longer teach in public schools).  My 10 year old can balance a checkbook better than my husband.    I realized that the issues I had with my previous schools were just that, MY Issues. It would be one thing if gangs, and drugs were the schools problem, but I was focused on Academics.    I was denying my kids the opportunity to participate in school activities with their friends.   So, next year, they will go to the public school here, they will learn what they can, and I will teach them the life- skills that I believe are important.   It’s my freaking job anyway.

 

By the way, I cannot even begin to describe how stressful teaching your own children can be.  It was a nightmare, and I have NEVER been so tired in my life.  They learned a lot, but it was so hard. It was the single most stressful thing I have ever done and I’m glad it’s over. 

 

Letting go of stress and taking a new view of things has helped me let go of a lot of resentment I was hanging on to.  My husband and I are doing better than ever and the respect that has grown between us is amazing. 

 

Friends.  This one is touchy, and I will expand upon it in detail later.  But everyone has people in their lives that just make them tired.  Being around them literally makes you feel drained (physically, emotionally, spiritually).  I had made the decision to take action in my life, and this included letting a working relationship go.My friend was also involved in the work I was doing.  I still love her very much, but I couldn’t continue to stay where I was. The work was literally killing me.  It made everyone who touched it miserable.   I was leaving behind a negative  part of my life,  I offered to take her with me, she refused.  She decided to remain in the unhealthy atmosphere that had made her so draining for me.  So I moved on. 

 

Bad habits and 50 pounds.  Yup, I lost 50 pounds.  To be honest,  I didn’t realize I had 50 pounds to lose.  The stress of the house was making my FMS act all screwy, so I visited my Dr. and he put me on a detox, diet.  Just fresh meat, fruits, and veggies. No processed food,  nothing canned or boxed, no dairy, no sugar, no salt.    It was sooo hard cause I love cream cheese.  I am to cream cheese as Paula Dean is to butter.    But I did it.  For the first 2 months I followed the strict detox part of my new eating plan.  Within a week my Fibro pain was completely gone.  I still follow the plan, just not at strictly.  I eat what I want when we go out or to a friend’s house, but I try to stick to my eating plan as much as possible.  It has literally been impossible to fall off the diet.  My tastes have changed completely.  I can’t eat fast food at all, and when I eat sweets, I pay for it in pain the next day.    I didn’t do the diet to lose weight,  that was just a happy side effect. The reason the diet works is because FMS, is not a physical disease (regardless of what the medical community says).  It’s neurological, it is caused by short circuits in your brain. This makes your body feel chronic pain and other unpleasant stuff..  These short circuits occur when there are too many foreign chemicals in the body.  The chemicals come from the preservatives in your food, cleaning products, beauty products, etc.  Once you remove the chemicals from your system, the circuits in your brain are better able to reconnect and the pain goes away.   

 

I could keep going, but I would be here for days if I did.  The point of lesson 1.  Let it go.  If something is causing you stress, pain, discomfort, misery, etc.  make the decision to take action, take control and walk away from it.  I realize it’s easier said than done.  Trust me, there was  NOTHING easy about changing everything about my life, but I am so glad I did. 

[FrustratedMom72]

Jul. 21, 2008 at 2:05 PM Kudos to you. We let our home go too. Not quite the same circumstances, but just as important nonetheless. Everything will be fine. I know that in my heart. You and I have a lot in common. I recently let some friends go that weren't being "friends" to me. I also lost 27 pounds. When I read your post, I almost thought that I had written it and forgotten about it somehow! Big hugs to you! And your family!

[zombie_mommy]

Jul. 21, 2008 at 4:01 PM

wow honey, you've been thru a lot of crap.  i am really glad your able to get things done.  i could care less about my credit score, never have never will.  i don't have anything in my name anyway.  kudos and brownie points for home schooling your kids, i know i couldn't do it.  i wouldn't know where to begin.  i am glad your able to get ontop of things, and losing 50 pounds WOW.   way to go!   hugs to you and your family.

[jodia001]

Jul. 21, 2008 at 10:16 PM

And you grew as a person & a mother. Awesome!

[vmommy]

Dec. 2, 2009 at 12:38 PM

I know this is an old post, but it really touched my heart. Thank you