Here I am back again. Not sure if I belong here anymore, but hey.

[oshinn]

Well, I've been gone from Cafe Mom for what... months?  I had a miscarriage in March.  I was pretty much expecting it.  I had been spotting for a week and then my body just kind of went crazy.  I was disappointed, yes, but since I was considering adoption to begin with I was kind of mentally preparing myself to let the baby go.  It was hard, but it was all with good reason, I suppose.  In May I met (or actually re-met, since we had spent quite a few days around each other before) the absolute love of my life.  His name is Jon, and he is my soul mate- and I don't even mean that in a self-convincing, hopeful, blind sort of way.  He reads plays with me and sings with me and adores my crooked teeth and gives me detailed and praising critiques of my writing.  He inspires me in a million ways.  He gave me his classical guitar to learn to play, exclaims over Henry Miller exactly as I do, looks spectacular with a wineglass and is exceptionally beautiful.  He is a genius and a saint.  So what's he doing with me!  That I've yet to figure out, but I enjoy it.

Anyway, I'm in Montana for the summer.  It's great because I get to see Nikki and her family and my friend Erin is getting married on August 8.  I feel a slight twinge because I was planning on coming up here to have a happy pregnant summer, but hey, like I said, it's something I'm mostly over mentally because I was unsure about the whole thing in the first place.  I'm not sure if I ever want to have a kid, anymore.  I'm scared to death of motherhood and while I know I could do everything well, I'm not sure I'd ever make a good mother.  I'm back to being an impoverished bohemian, and it suits me well.  I am going back to Phoenix for three weeks in September, and then Jon and I are moving to Chicago.

There isn't a lot left to say.  I don't know if I belong here anymore, because I'm no longer pregnant and am not planning on becoming pregnant.  I just want to stay in touch with Nikki and stuff.  That is that.  Au revoir.

[autodidact]

Jul. 21, 2008 at 5:00 PM

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage, and I hope you'll decide to stick around here anyway, I enjoyed your posts immensely.

[caglecruz06]

Jul. 21, 2008 at 9:38 PM

aww I am sorry to hear of your misscarriage, hope things work out for you in chicago!! sounds like ya'll have a great plan for your future!